The Misfits on Carrousel (epistolary)

#tmoc145

CONFETTIS, glitters, flakes of Gold, shades of Pink, and silk linens——that's how I imagined life should be. But it wasn't, and it will never be.

I have never foreseen how actually things would turn out. I got blinded with my dreams. I was a white horse with blinders.

Confettis were actually debris. Glitters turned out to be broken glasses. Flakes of Gold became cellophane. Shades of Pink became pitch black. Silk linens turned out to be scraps of ruined satin.

I sighed yet smiled with those thoughts. As someone who studies a lot, I perceived life to give me lessons before tests, but it's the other way around. And sometimes, you learn the hard way.

Even if I somehow expected naman na being in the show business industry is cruel, hindi ko pa rin akalain na it will be this cruel.

You don't belong here. You are too good for this world.

Pero gusto kong maging parte ng mundong 'to. I want to be in this world. I want to fit in. I don't want to be just some kind of misfit in carrousel. And even I was, I will still strive and prove them that I really have those things that the people who support me claimed—personality, potential, perseverance.

People won't love you for being cute, kind, and happy. Whatever you show them, how they really perceive you will never change. All you have to do is be real. Show yourself how worthy you truly are.

I was lucky enough that the people who are concern enough never miss a chance to remind me not to mind everyone's opinion. At first, sobrang hirap niya. But there will always be a turning point, that you will focus more on what you want and not to what people tell you you're not.

In this industry, you need to have a buddy, not from your family and friends, and definitely not from strangers who admire you. And if there is someone who should believe you, stay and make you happy on your toughest days. . . that should be yourself.

Someone scoffed from my back and put me back to reality so I looked at where that sound came from.

"Hey, Ateez!" Cade waved at me so I smiled. "Ready?" He then sat beside me. He also looked away, tinatanaw ang mga leaves na sumasayaw dahil sa malakas na hangin.

"Yep. I really prepared for this day to come, Cade, and it's been a month. No matter what I do, hindi ko naman matatakasan 'to. Really need to do this." I shrugged after telling him.

He grinned at me. "I am really happy to see you grow. Wala na yung sobrang pabebe na Atticus." Nagawa niya pa akong gayahin which made me pout.

"Super arte ko ba talaga before?" Curiosity got me.

"Hindi," he exclaimed in a second. "Hindi naman super arte. Sobrang super duper!" he corrected me.

Cade dodged all the hit I gave him. "Until now, nanghahampas ka pa rin kapag emotional ka." He shook his head.

I was about to ask him all our errands today when he tapped my shoulder. "Tara na? May dadaanan pa tayo," pag-iiba niya ng usapan.

I bobbed my head and followed his lead, going out of this tailor shop. Nagpasadya kasi ako ng damit para sa araw na 'to. Gusto kong maging mas maganda ngayong araw para sa sarili ko, so I ordered a white flowy dress with embroideries on its hem and sleeves. Something to give texture. Yung kapag kinapa mo, masasabi mong maganda.

Cade opened the door for me. "Handa ka na ba?" pahabol niya pa ring tanong.

My brows met. "Baka naman ikaw ang nervous d'yan, ha?"

"Of course not. We can do this, even without Peyton and Morgan." He sounded as if convincing himself.

The moment we both sat on the car seats until we arrived at the cemetery, no one was talking. Maybe... Maybe we were thinking of the person we were about to visit.