𝐒𝐡𝐞'𝐬 𝐌𝐲 𝐐𝐮𝐞𝐞𝐧

/55./

TIANA

Voices. Planning. Mocking. Laughing.

I will train her. She won't be a disappointment like my ungrateful children.

You will never have her.

Give it time, sweet child. 

Gasping awake, I sit up frantically as I tried to catch my breath. My hand finds my chest, my heart pounding hard against my chest. The breathing exercises the doctor recommended, did little to nothing to help. This empty feeling in my chest was so heavy that I reached to the side of the bed, seeking out Carter.

My head snaps to Carter's side and it was untouched. Frantically, I took in the room and the dim lights that crept through the window from the hue of the buildings surrounding the misty night of Paris.

The little pilot Carter and I created for Cariana was there, but messy. But that's what doesn't cause my heart to pound against my chest even harder. Panicking at this point, my eyes dart around the room in search of my daughter. It was then I am aware that I was in the room alone.

Jerking the covers off, my racing heart evolves to crazy.

"Carter?" I call out and when I don't hear anything, I rush out of the room of the rental apartment Carter arranged until we figure out things from here.

I can't process the wetness that develops in my eyes as I search for my daughter and Carter.

Nothing.

It was like the apartment was empty.

Oh God.

My mind begins to be real as the familiar feeling of fear creeps into the cracks of my heart and my chest is on the brink of caving in. Not again. Please, not again.

"Carter!"

Nothing.

A bad feeling washes over me and just as I go to pull my phone out, I hear the sound of a door clicking before opening.

My head snaps over to see Carter holding a wide awake Cariana. Her head resting comfortably on his chest as she stared at her surroundings. In the other hand, he had bags and keys. Rick follows shortly and closes the door behind the.

I don't waste a second.

"Where were you?!" I cried, rushing over to him. "Why didn't you tell me you were leaving? Why not wake me and let me know? I have to know when you leave and where you take our baby. I have to know." I demand, my eyes glued to my baby girl.

She comes first. Always will.

Protect her.

"Baby—"

I looked into his eyes and almost lost my balance when I saw the soft orbs staring back at me. I was about to disagree when Rick offered to take Cariana to give us a moment, but then Carter shook his head and held out the bag. Rick nodded politely to me, then walked off after exchanging a brief but silent message with Carter.

"I just...I think it would be more comfortable for the three of us to stick together until we are certain that the threat has really passed."

Carter reaches out and strokes my cheek with the gentleness that I missed so much. His forehead comes down to mine and he holds my hand.

"Trust me, baby, we're never going to be apart again."

As my breathing leveled out, my beating heart calmed. I trust his words. I trust him but I can't get over what happened to us. We almost lost our baby girl and it was because we weren't together.

Carter seems to read me and he steps closer, pulling towards him. Kissing me softly, he pulls away and hands over Cariana.

My shoulders fell in relief at the warmth of her healthy little body against mine. I hold onto me, cooing. Her small hands reach for me as she stares at me with those big eyes that she's got from her father. I kissed her nose, resulting in one of her cheery baby tones.

I can feel Carter's eyes on me, watching me intently. Despite his hard facial features, his eyes hold a softness as he watches me interact with our daughter.

"I wasn't far. I was just outside the apartment, taking a call. Cami woke up."

It feels like weight has been lifted off my chest.

"How is she?"

"She is alright," he sighs, taking a breath of relief. "She has to stay in the hospital for observation, then she'll be released to go home."

Carter moves further into the apartment, heading towards the room we shared. I followed behind him and watched as he silently sat at the end of the bed, his elbows resting on his knees and his head in his hands.

"Carter?" I step closer, wincing at the tug in my hair. Cariana's hands continue to grab at the loose strands of my hair as I sit down beside Carter. "Talk to me."

Exhaling a harsh breath, Carter shakes his head. "I'm just thinking."

"Of what's next for us." I watch his jaw tick from the side.

"That, among other things," he says, lifting his head and staring straight ahead. "I'm fucking weak," he grits, angry.

"Don't. Don't say that." I said it instantly, shocked at his words.

"It's true," he says, running a frustrated hand through his hair. "I almost lost Cariana. I almost lost you and my sister. Fuck. I should have been more prepared. I could have prevented all of this."

"It was so much going on, Carter. Things happen that weren't supposed to happen." I lean in, kissing the underside of Carter's jaw before leaning my head against the side of his head. "But we're still here."

With a sigh, he reaches back to pull me inexplicably nearer. "It won't ever happen again. I swear to you, baby. Our lives are going to change."

"And it will get better if we fight for it."

Cariana makes a high-pitched noise, getting both of our attention.

We will fight for it and it will get better. It has to. Especially for our little angel and the family that is ours.

----

Thoughts/predictions?

While I was distracted, I was aware that She is My Queen was scheduled to start back up again in January 2024. You will not hear any more justifications, nor will there be any. 

To be honest, I was supposed to be finished with this story a year and a half ago but I was going through so much in my life as a newly graduated high school student going into college and dealing with a chronic illness. At the time of getting better and not working but only focusing on school, I had a lot of time on my hands to write as a relief and to give my mind some peace. I even escaped reality through my characters and it made me feel better.

Now, looking back, I want to do so much with my writing and take it to another level. I am struggling to finish this series because of how far my writing has come and I am literally trying my hardest to finish this story.

I want to stop the continuation because the need to rewrite it is bad. I've been so focused on working behind the scenes on the first book that has a clear plot and better dialogue.

But because you amazing people support this amazing series that I created a few years ago, I am going to finish this book for you. I love you guys so much and I thank you for your patience.