hesitation || minsung

12: getting ready

Jisung's POV

"Why? He's gone?" Mina questioned me sadly and was now very worried about Minho.

"No, he's just...we can't see him anymore. Do you remember... your mom?" I asked her, sniffing and wiping my tears. My face turned emotionless when I mentioned her. I didn't want to remember her ever again, but I wanted to tell Mina what she did to me. I told her a few times before when she asked about her mom, but not the full thing. Of course, he wasn't going to add detail about the sex, he will just simple it up. She will learn about that when she is older.

"She did very bad things to me, before we had you. Then she left us for somebody else that she was going to do the same thing to." I explained to Mina. I was going to tell her the whole story but make it more child friendly.

after he explained to her

"...and when she left, she didn't care about how I felt. She didn't care about how you felt either. You see? She used me, and now that we had a child she left me all alone with you. She- she didn't care about you! I thought she was going to help me. She didn't. But I wanted her to leave. Not at the time, because I was young, but now, you see me don't you? Do you think I'm a good dad?"

"Yes, Papa. You're the best in the world. But why can't we see Minho no more?" She cried. I wiped her tears and rubbed her cheeks with my thumbs.

"Mina...because he might do the same. You can't really trust anybody in this world Mina. They might turn on you and never look back." I said harshly. I shouldn't have said that. I just wanted Mina to understand why we can't see Minho. We just can't.

"Papa, not everybody is the same. You can trust people, and some will turn on you but some won't! I don't think Minho would do that Papa. Mama is bad person. Minho is good person."

I praised Mina for being so smart, but I decided to think about what she said for a few moments. I started to think about how he was like during school. Almost the same. Except kinder than when he was in school. In school, he was kind, but only to his friends. When we first met, he was kind to me as a first impression. Normally, his first impression to everybody that tried to talk to him was,

"Go away."

He didn't like most people. But I wasn't in that vast majority. I never was, and I think that's what made me have a crush on him. That, and his personality, and basically everything that comes with him. I love everything about him. Loved. I can't...love him anymore. How would people think about that? Most people probably wouldn't like it. That's another reason.

At the same time, my worries, my problems, and social anxiety fade away when I am with Minho. He has such a powerful aura that just calls out to me and makes me comfortable in his space, and now I am away from him, I have space from him, worrying and uncomfortable. I wonder...if I am in his space...if I am in a relationship with him forever, that I wouldn't have any problems..? But that is childish. But...why does he make me feel that way? Should I be with him right now? Is what Mina said, true?

When I am around him I always have a good feeling. Deep inside I know that I truly love him. And I don't think I will ever stop, no matter what I do.

I think...I think I need to see him again. I think I need to make it right.

"Come on Mina. Let's eat." I said, and Mina followed me to the table. I made her the food in the kitchen while she was trying her best to wait patiently. (eh) She brought a few of her small dolls on the table while I didn't notice.

Once I finished I brought the two plates to the table and sat down with Mina.

"Mina, food's ready. No dolls, remember?" I reminded her. She nodded and I handed her the golden plastic fork that she always eats with. Before she started eating, she looked at me.