hesitation || minsung

3: hope

yes another flashback deal w it<3

Flashback

When Jisung and Trashy got home Jisung just went out of the car in silence and stopped at the front door. Trashy was on the verge of tears but Jisung was just...blank. He put his hands on his head ruffling through his hair, his eyes pacing around looking for anything that can distract him. Trashy was already crying and saying "sorry" multiple times. Jisung wasn't responding. He was swallowed by his own thoughts and wondering what will happen in the future. Overthinking, overthinking, overthinking. His breath started becoming shortened by the anxiety. 

no...

"JISUNG I'M SORRY!" Trashy pleaded for him to at least face her, but she shouldn't be the one being comforted right now. All of those disgusting hours with her...did she not use protection?! Did she ever use protection?! 

"Sorry?" Jisung barely said, his voice breaking. "Are you going to help me take care of them?"

Trashy just stared at him tears still filling her eyes making her vision blurry. She was thinking of what to say. This was her fault after all, but of course, she didn't think that. Making her the selfish person that she is. 

I have other things to do. Why do I have to take care of him? I used protection. Maybe this was his fault. 

"Yes." She lied, making Jisung fall for it. Jisung sighed in relief but he was still worried. He just can't keep his mind straight. His thoughts were all imagining different scenarios and what might happen in the future. 

"Let's just... go inside. Let's discuss this so we can both feel better." He really didn't want to spend more time with her especially when this was all her fault. But unlike her, Jisung didn't think that way. He took fault in everything that happened in his life. He thought that this was his fault too and that they both have to fix it together, or at least make it better. They decided on something.

"I have an idea. Let's both get good paying jobs, and lets work day and night. Work as much as we can, because I don't know how much money we need to take care of a baby. Hopefully, this works." Jisung explained. He prayed so much that this would work because he had no other ideas. If this doesn't work, I hope Trashy will at least help me to think of an idea. In a reply, Trashy just nodded to his idea, knowing well that she would just be drinking all night. If she wasn't pregnant. No matter how many things she did wrong, she wasn't heartless. She wants her baby/babies healthy. Also, she doesn't want a distorted baby...what did she do all of that sex for? There's a reason why she has such a pretty face. Trashy thinks Jisung is okay, but he is enough to make our baby beautiful. Meanwhile, Jisung thought:

I don't even know if she's going to drink, or help me. I hope she chooses the right option. We both did this. It is both of our fault.

5 months pass, Jisung's birthday passes, her stomach starts growing bigger, cravings get stronger, and Jisung keeps getting more and more tired by the day. Trashy has to end up either sleeping in Jisung's house or the other way around. Jisung already met her parents, so they were fine with him staying over. But Jisung is worried about Trashy, even if she was just using him for his body. Also, compared to Trashy he was the bigger person. (not physically) He wanted to do his best for the baby, he wanted him/her to stay healthy. Well, at least he really hopes it is just one baby. Although, he still doesn't want to spend his life with someone as annoying as Trashy. But, he can't just leave her with the child alone. That action is for someone who is heartless. If Trashy can't afford a child, or can't take care of him/her, he will gladly take it. He wants as much practice as he can get though. On his free time when he isn't helping Trashy, he watches videos about how to take care of a child. He is determined to do good as a dad. He hopes he will. No, he will.

2 months later

It is now 7 months of taking care of Trashy and the baby. Jisung stopped going to school, but his parents didn't know. His grades dropped drastically, and he kept having to use different excuses like a doctor's note. He wishes he had someone to dump everything on, but he didn't really have anybody apart from Trashy, because she wouldn't even listen or just complain about what's going on in her life right now. He would be back from Trashy's house by the time his parents came home and he had to act normal, like there wasn't a bunch of pressure on him, and like he wasn't going to be a dad. It was hard, but he got through it. 

just 2 more months to go... and everything will get harder. prepare yourself

He kept pep-talking himself in his mind as a way to calm down. He really wants to get through this. Deep down through all of the anxiety, he is kind of excited to see the baby, take care of it, and have happy memories with it. He hopes Trashy wants to do that too. He wonders if Trashy will even care about the child when he/she is born. Jisung brushes those negative thoughts away and tries to focus on the good ones. The ones he will make with his child.

HELLOOOOO GUYSSSS ik most of these chapters r really short i js cant bring myself 2 make them as long as the other writers do im sorryyyy😭😭i am still a beginner since i have only done 1 full story. (and every chapter was 1 tiny paragraph so im trying 2 write as much as i can. also it was only like 4 chapters? dont ask me what it was about.) anyways, i really hope this gets like at least 1k views?? i am trying my hardest on every chapter but rn, it seems pretty boring. i am trying so hardddddd aghhhhhh..... if it doesnt end up good or at least with 1k views im gonna cry ahehehehehehe!!!!!!!! anywaysss see u in the next chapter byee !! word count: 1062