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Thoughts Of The Overthinker (Part 1)

Okay..... I resort to writing down my thoughts because I hurt my brain if I keep them in there for too long. Then, I had the brilliant idea to share them out to this random place where no one actually gives a fuck about what you say, as long as they are entertained somewhat. So I'll let my thoughts free here, at least to show some people that their thoughts too are somewhat relatable.

What has this world come to?

Like bruh, I haven't even reached the peak of my 20s(I'm 20),yet I'm afraid to experience life. Well, not life per say. I mean, to experience love. Why? Because of this modern day and age, the word 'love' has lost its meaning.

On one hand, 'love' seems to be transactional. I see on the internet that alot of people get fucked over because of transactional love, where a guy seemingly loves a girl, but this girl wants him to give her the whole fucking world. Say both of these two are in their 20s like me, the guy hasn't even landed a proper paying job and the girl is just a party goat. Or maybe both are parent dependent. You catch my drift...... They are in poverty, yet one wants to go to the Bahamas during the summer. And since the poor guy can't even gift her a happy meal at McDonald's, let alone take her to a holiday, the girl looks to other guys - "high value" guys-who can satisfy her wanton desires. And then she strikes gold. That guy who just hit 100k a year mark. She is now with him. He gives her whatever she desires and she will love him in return. That is until he can't do that anymore and the cycle continues. Onto the next guy. You can tell what happened to the poor guy. Heartbroken, maybe depressed and questioning himself all the time on why he didn't step up to quench his "girlfriend's" thirst, to a point it leads to suicidal thoughts.Or he went to the gym and became a better person in life. Or went on a villain arc and became what he didn't wish to be just to cope. Maybe or maybe not, I don't know. But you see where Im going.

It escalates. Nowadays, Most of these modern women aren't even looking for a man. That "I don't need no man" type of girls, treasuring their independence over having a loving partner. They would rather die in their solitude alone than bear the thought of having to submit to a loving guy. Like what the fuck? Some of them are out here asking for a traditional man, you know the gentleman, yet they won't be traditional themselves. Now, before you judge me to be one of those red pilled guys who go on ranting online, this is stuff I see everyday, and unlike them, I don't voice it out(except here because no one gives a fuck).

Then there is rise of the 304s - the girls who just can't close their legs for shit. Some see it as a means of getting their bills paid. For that, I have little respect for them. A little,simply because there is always a choice. Why go that route, knowing that there will be consequences. But from the way I see it, they don't acknowledge that till later on in life. Imagine seeing a kid being bullied daily simply because of her mother being a 304. Or was a 304. That ain't a good sight. But it is what the mother has to live with forever. It's even worse if she was a cam girl, cause everyone in the world knows who you are, so forget starting a new life anywhere in the globe. But, hey, try to put yourself in their shoes, maybe she really thought there was no other way. Or maybe she was forced to do it against her will by another. It is always good to see things from the other perspective. It kills the one sided prejudice. Hence my little respect for them.

Speaking of love, even marriage lost its meaning. Back then in time, a man and a woman, whether they loved each other or not, stayed together, if not for love, then for the kids they have. Nowadays, either one or the other or both go behind each other's back and cheat with another. Just imagine, a loving man goes home to his wife, who earlier was getting backshots and getting her mouth filled with another dude's nuts, and kissed her. I apologize for being graphic but you see what I'm on. It's even worse if one person is the breadwinner of the two. Say the same woman said that " I no longer feel loved in this relationship" and said THE WORD. Divorce. And since a modern day marriage is a government bound contract,the woman gets half the shit the man has worked for his entire life. As the man that would suck ass, to see your hard earned progress decimated cause of an unfaithful wife. If you had kids, they are under her custody. Hell, why not take your house too. Remember well, it ain't always happening like this. The vice versa applies as well, even multiple variants apply. So don't blame me for setting that example.

You see what I'm saying. This world has made me to a point I even question myself when I'm approaching a girl to even say hi. Forget the saying "the worst she can say is NO", she can falsely accused you of sexual assault and ruin your life just cause she didnt find you interesting. Or to be more grounded, if you are in the same age gap, wants an older guy who is more secured financially,while she strings around multiple guys to feed her ego or attention. I don't want that.

I'm so afraid. So fucking afraid. I haven't had a solid relationship ever, but this world made it so that I don't want to commit to anyone. But what is worse, I still want to love someone who loves me. I sound so hypocritical, but that is true. I don't even know anymore and I'm still 20....... Perhaps staying single is all I can manage, but even I know that's almost impossible. I will have my heart broken at some point in time. The good old days sounds like a good time to have a relationship...... How I wish.

Fuuuuuuccccckkkkkiiiiiinnnngggggg heeeeelllllll maaaaahhhhnnnnn