Branch

Life Is Stupid

One moment, you are a child wishing to be an adult so badly. To not be forced to sleep so early so that you can watch the silly animations a little longer, to not be forced to go to school, to eat all the junk food you wish you could instead of rice, broccoli and beans . Where life was so simple, the only problems were just you courting for your parents attention when they were on the phone to show them something that was not worth paying attention to, yet they did anyways.

Another moment, you turn 20 years and all of a sudden, you see that you have not time at all to waste. You treasure sleep like if it's the holy grail of life( which it is by the way), you wish you could eat healthier but doing that is costly these days. Life requires you to split your life in so many directions : school, jobs, maintaining your health if you can, relationships (if they exist), et cetera. Now, wishing to be a child again is not an irrational thought to you but you know it is a fairy tale. Wishing to be as near your parents as possible because you care for them than when you did as a toddler.

The transition is a steel learning curve.

'..... But you have your whole life ahead of you Juleka . Just relax and enjoy the ride....' my friends, if I can cm them that, urge me to do away with my time. Parties, alcohol, women, drugs. I know what that does to people. My brother being the best example there is. Hope he watching me from above. God rest his soul.

I CANNOT afford to just lay down on my ass and expect shit to happen as if I'm Cinderella. I hate school so damn much, but my mother says I had to go, so I will do it. For her sake. I'm juggling two part time jobs that way I can take care of her hospital bills and medications. I have almost no life outside school and work. I try to hit the gym sometimes, but if I'm short on cash, it ain't a bad sacrifice.

I feel like I aged twenty in a short span of time. And that I'm aging to 40 every single damn day. Not that I want to live like this forever. I dream of doing a business. Don't know what, but a business it shall be. One that will put enough money in my mom's pockets that she no longer had to worry about her bills ever again. That I may live without having to worry how I'm gonna survive the next day. Without having to worry that all will fall apart if not me first.

Wishful thinking? Very much so.

Am I going to stop working towards that? Hell to the fucking no.

I don't want to end up like Luka, ever! I have to pull through, for my mom and to prove to myself that I can do it.

Rose.

The one person in my life who accepts me for who I am. She is my course mate. Unlike the others there, she actually helps me when I slip up in missing classes. She is the sole reason why I'm still even doing classes if I'm being honest. She convinced me that just like my jobs, school was important too.

I could never resist her cute laugh. Her shy smile whenever I make a stupid joke. She kept me sane at least. I'll make it up to her. That much is a promise.

No, a vow. That I'm not going to disappoint her and that I'll show her a good life too. With me. And my mother too.

Life....... Just twists and turns all the time. I wish I was prepared for this. It is what it is though.

And I have to keep fighting.

For better.