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Addictions(part 2 to First Stranger)

It's been a month now. Well, two days to three months really. Three months since I met.....her. A month of radio silence after since shit hit the fan. I told myself.......no, promised myself that I'd leave her alone. She did a good number on me. Several good numbers if I include the fall out damage. I didn't think heartbreak would hurt this bad.I won't even call it a 'real' heartbreak. All of this and it's over a person who I didn't form a solid relationship with. Just some a few word exchange followed by a hit and run.

That ain't important though.

Since we've shared nothing apart from being quiet to each other, I thought that that was it. That is how the story ends. Abruptly?Most definitely Anticlimactic?As hell would have it, Cliffhanger type of pain? Absolutely. But an end of a short story all the same. And I vowed to get better since then.

Not like that has truly happened, has it?

It's been a month and I feel like I've not changed in any way, shape or form. Partially because I've been on almost a month long streak of sickness. Partly because I've been hung up on her.

She has done but hurt and keep quiet about it, and all I could do is have thoughts of her?

All I can say is that I've become very pathetic. Which is very harsh to say, but it's true in the end. I couldve moved on. Saved myself the trouble. Deleted her number and be done with it. But I did not. Because I was holding out on the hope, that slither of hope that maybe she was as terrified as I was.

Why would she be terrified? The way I saw that day, she seems to be a veteran at the game. She couldn't care less.

But slowly I let go of that false hope and tried to leave it at that. That it ended a bitter story for me. For once,I got to love and lose.Not that I think she reciprocated my affections, but rather put on a charade all through.

I think Im going to hate train rides from now on.

You know what's worse? I thought I was okay. Until she randomly called me out the blue, just to say hi. When I tell you, I almost threw my phone away. Not for the fact that she called. It's because I was smiling after her random booty call.

PATHETIC! PATHETIC! PATHETIC!

And I being a bitch that I am, called her two days later. That is after we talked for a bit through chat. I couldn't form the proper words through chat, so I opted to call. And I still couldn't form proper words for like a good minute. Partly because I was geeking like a goofball, smiling like I'm on drugs.

Considering the hold she had on you,that's a given.

But I sensed something. While we were talking. She wasn't there. Like her mouth was moving mechanically. Her response was so curt. Her mind was entrapped elsewhere. She said that she's been busy. And still is. Believe me when I say, I've been busy before. Ain't no motherfucking way you too busy to not talk to a person. No matter how busy one is. She made it seem like she too busy for me. Even her voice was betraying her for me. It's a good thing I didn't entertain that call for long, because I wanted to address if we were okay. Later on, she texted that......you know let me write it for you:

"I will answer all of your questions tomorrow. My phone is on 1% charge so I have 30 seconds left and I can't find my charger."

The AUDACITY! The GALLS! Dare I say the NERVE!

And this ain't the first time she has done this. All the other times before, I let it slide because like a man too lost in the sauce, all red flags are ignored. Fool me once, fair game. But I ain't a sucker to be caught lacking with the same move twice.

But even after all that, I can't bring myself to block her. Even after all the bullshit she put me through, I just can't. The pain the memories hold are too strong.

I get it though. She sounded like she was the one. Even the setup sounded almost ethereal.

I swear being addicted to a person should be classified as illegal. She is just a poison I can't stop taking,no matter how much it hurts .