Meteor

Five

"I think...ermmmm...the best I can do now is to try my best to sway their mind by winning this scholarship. I have been talking to them so much but it didn't help, so hopefully...by getting a med scholarship...I would be able to prove to them how determined and headstrong I am...Perhaps when they see me achieving such a feat in my favourite field...they would understand that it was the best career path for me, and I will..ermmmm...commit myself to it," his voice continued stuttering while trying to cope with the unexpected question, forcing out a sketchy response which was definitely not well-thought.

"Oh...OK, just that? Is there any other way that you can think of apart from merely asserting your passion and determination?"

"Not really to be honest, but maybe I can try to get my sister on my side first, it will be easier for her to persuade my parents than me," he awkwardly tittered, trying to hide his nervousness.

From that moment onwards, things were completely screwed up for him. He could not speak as fluently as he did at the start of the interview, and he also felt harder to think straight. The psychological effect of that unexpected question had totally ruined the whole interview.

The three interviewers kept on discussing with Yu Jin for a few more minutes, and then he was dismissed after it ended. Despite having finished his interview, his emotional torture did not disappear yet, and he knew that it would linger in his mind for a painstakingly long time.

This feeling was so strange. He had been previously aware of how fierce the process for applying for a scholarship in the US could be, thus reassuring himself that everything would be fine even if things went wrong and he failed it. But then, at the moment when he realised that he could not play his cards right, and there was no other chance for him to fix it, a feeling of utter disappointment still took over his mind. It was like a heavy stone pressing on him, suffocating him and leaving him with no way to escape. Even Yu Jin himself could not explain why he was feeling this way. Perhaps he had set a goal which was too unrealistic for himself. Although he tried to deceive himself by thinking that everything will be alright even if he failed, he was, in fact, subconsciously thinking about having a chance to study in the US. Thus, being slapped back to the harsh reality inflicted a painful damage to his thin shred of self-esteem, which had already been crippled since SNU rejected him.

Without having lunch, he headed home straight away, flopped onto his bed and just lied there, mindlessly locking his eyes on the ceiling. The moment that he decided to leave home for medical school in Seoul, he had never thought that things could be this tough for him. The peaceful days when he was still in Busan started to fill up his mind, slowly and vividly appearing in front of his face just like a flashback. It was true that his parents were strict to him, and did not understand him, but at least they cared for him. He missed those days when his mother was cooking him delicious meals, and his father was willingly bringing him to school. He also missed those times when he came back home with a science medal or certificate of award, and then his sister would be greeting him with her sincere congratulation. And he missed those literature tuition classes where he kept sleeping or messing around noisily. He missed all those days, all those highs and lows that he had been through in Busan.

Time passed by, and he fell asleep without even noticing. Probably because he had been suffering from severe sleep deprivation for the last two months since he started preparing for this scholarship. Maybe in his dream, he would be seeing himself holding the letter of acceptance from Duke University with a jubilant grin on his face. It was a beautiful scenario, though unlikely to happen.