Being alive is hard work.
I must've skipped preschool. I don't know how to act when someone talks to me, I don't know when to smile, laugh, be sad, or hold a conversation.
I observe the way others laugh. The sound they make, their lips curving upwards. I mimic even when I don't feel a single thing.
Being alive is hard.
I tense up when people get too close. I observe people, how they act, how I should act. They serve as a guidebook.
People make me feel stupid, like a test I didn't prepare for. I know I don't fit in. When I try to smile, it doesn't quite look right.
Being Alive.
I don't know what I'm feeling. Sometimes I feel a rush of emotions, I can only respond with tears. Then for days after, I feel nothing.
My face hates me.
It doesn't act normal. It won't smile at people, it won't cry even when yelled at, it won't crease normally, it won't let me feel. Most days I feel nothing.
Am I alive?
Most days I feel like a robot. I process information, and mimic. I process the way people feel, and I copy. You wouldn't be able to tell that I feel like a void.
You see me, but I'm not here.
