There's something wrong with me.
I feel it deep within me. It calls to me deep at night, before I drift to sleep. It tells me absurd things; it tells me horrifying things. I push people away, I say the wrong thing, I do the wrong thing. I know it's wrong, but I can't stop myself. I can't help myself. No one can. It's like an incurable disease that plagues and multiplies inside of me.
There is no cure, there is no getting better.
But it's also addicting. It tastes so sweet at first, and then it gets bitter. It's dangerous, I'm aware at the very least bit. I keep going back to a self-destructive habit. A cycle in which I keep hurting others and hurt myself. There's something terribly wrong with me, and I don't know how to get better. There's constantly a fog inside my head. I can't see, I can't think, I can't feel any sensible human emotion other than greed.
Only the sun can clear up the messy fog that has taken up the space in my head. My sun constantly changes. Not on purpose. Maybe on purpose. Only my sun can make me feel better. My sun is my reason to live. My greatest misfortune is realizing too late. When I wake tomorrow, I hope this is all a nightmare. When I wake up tomorrow, I want to see the sun shine brightly in the sky, with or without me. There is something wrong with me. I want to be better. One day, I will feel better, with or without the sun.
