The Secrets We Keep

Chapter 1 - Sarah

I'm swimming again.  I've been swimming a lot lately and I don't know why.  It's not for my health, even though that is an added bonus.  It's not because I just love the smell of chlorine in my hair and the feel of it all over my body.  It's because.... I don't know.  I've been in a rut I guess.  Just feeling... blah. 

To the outsider, my life probably seems charmed.  I have everything I've ever wanted.  Two kids.  One, a high school oops!, who's in college now.  And the other one, actually planned, in kindergarten.  So if you're doing the math, that makes me 36. 

I work as a dentist with my best friend Erica.  I'm married to the love of my life William.  I have it all. 

So why then?  Why do I find myself swimming in my saltwater pool before the sun even comes up?  Why do I feel the need to thrust my arms through this weighted water until my muscles ache and throb?  Push my legs until they tire out on me.

I've been doing laps for 90 minutes now. My muscles are screaming at me to stop, but I just can't.  Even though my body has taken care of me my whole life, I for some reason feel the need to punish it.  As if it did me wrong somehow.  I push further.  I fight.  Swimming lap after exhausting lap as if my life depended on it. 

And I should've seen it.  Should've seen the edge, but I got distracted by my husband's long legs at the side of the pool. 

"Sarah, watch out!" William exclaims.

"What?" and then I see it.  Finally.  I'm about 2 inches from making contact with the edge.  "Wooop!" I awkwardly manage as I reverse course, making a watery mess on the concrete just outside the pool. 

Chuckling now, "Are you okay?  Where were you just now?" my dashingly hot husband inquires.  Yeah, I called him dashing.  He is.  Even though he's a writer and sitting all day kind of goes with the territory, he's a regular at the gym.  No dad bod on him.  He's lean and mean, just the way I like it.   

He squats down to get closer to me as I come to the side and place my elbows on the hard surface, resting my chin on my intertwined fingers.

"Nowhere," I lie.

William's dark brown hair falls in his hazel eyes.  I reach up to brush his locks away.  He shimmies an index finger between my shoulder and the strap of my red one-piece bathing suit and lays a kiss on my collarbone.  My breath hitches at the back of my throat.  After 18 years of marriage, I blush.  He gets me goin'.  What can I say? 

We're in a good place now.  After that last... hiccup six years ago.  To my knowledge, it only happened one time.  I frown, forcing the thoughts to the back of my mind.  No, I'm not gonna go there.  We're happy now.  We're happy.

I raise my chin, directing my red lips to his.  He sits down now to reach me better, balancing himself on his left arm.  He strokes a tendril of my blonde hair that's come a loose from my high bun. I inhale him deeply.  His lips grow hungrier.  Fiercer.  Like he wants to devour me.  I've pulled my body half-way out of the pool now, supporting myself on my elbows, my feet against the pool wall. 

He snakes his hand into the cup of my bathing suit, caressing my breast.  I let out a moan.

"Baby?  You know I don't want to stop but, you should probably take your shower before Violet..." he starts.

"Mommy, mommy, mommy!" my 5-year-old exclaims, rushing toward me in her princess nightgown.  William and I quickly collect ourselves. 

"Darling!" I smile.  Cockblocker is more like it.

"You look so pretty! Are you sure you're not going to Cinderella's ball today?" I ask my 5-year-old. Violet, the planned one. She's... everything. She's gotta be one of the most wanted children in the history of the world.