Denial

Chapter 39

Harry's pov:

I'm a fucking idiot. If there was any award for the idiot of the year, I'd probably win it. Like what the hell was I thinking by saying those things to Shaila?

I tried to follow Maggie's advice, by telling Shaila how I feel about her before it was too late. To be honest, I wasn't aware of my feelings for her until I saw her with that dick, Dan, in her house a few weeks ago. I felt jealous, and at first I tried to shrug the feelings away, but as the days passed and she ignored me, I knew it; i like her. It's ironic though, how all this time I thought I hated her and I only liked kissing her, when in reality I was crazy for her. I've knew it all along, but I didn't have the courage to admit it to myself, and even less admit it to Shaila. But now I've done it, I've finally told her how I feel, only to be rejected for the first time in my life.

What the hell was going on in my head to think that she'd actually like me back? She fucking hates my guts. Hell, she hates everything about me. Shaila would never feel the same way that I feel about her. She thinks so bad of me that she actually thought I was just trying to ruin her life by confessing my feelings towards her. She thought it was all just an act, but it wasn't. Shaila may be the most annoying, stubborn, rude girl I've known in my life, but I like her. I don't know why, but I like the girl that I hate the most. It is a confusing contradiction, but it is true...as messed up as that sounds.

I had to walk away from that gym after Shaila rejected me, to save myself from farther embarrassment. Everyone in the fucking room heard me, or at least I think so. It is the first time I confess my feelings towards someone, and I get rejected in front of everyone. It is the last time I follow my best friend's advice, because look how that turned out for me. I was too late. Shaila already has Dan, and as much as I hate to admit it, he makes her happy and that is something I'd ever be able to do.

I curse as I walk into my room, slamming the door shut behind me. As always, I'm alone in this damn mansion, because my dad is out with his girlfriend who is at least 20 years younger than him. I hate that prick, and I hate Shaila.

I can't express my feelings right now. I feel hurt, but at the same time relieved that I finally let it out. It seems like I've been lying to myself all this time. I want to slap myself for thinking that she might actually like me back, but I also want to congratulate myself that I found the guts to tell her how I really feel. It's confusing, and my head hurts from so much thinking.

Sighing, I fall back down to my bed. I need to get some rest and forget about everything that happened at the gym today. I don't know how I'll face Shaila tomorrow, but for now I want to stop worrying about everything and just sleep. So I turn off my phone, which hasn't stopped vibrating from my friend's text messages, and I close my eyes hoping that I'd be able to sleep peacefully.

However, that stupid girl keeps invading my mind and I can't help to question: why did I have to like Shaila? Out of all the girls in the world...why her?

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I wake up with the sound of my alarm clock. I open my eyes slightly, rubbing them with the back of my hands. I take a look at my surroundings and I notice the sun shinning through the window. Confused, I look at the clock and I notice it is 7am already. Fuck, I slept the whole day and night. That is a record.

Groaning, I get up from my bed and I take a quick shower in the bathroom. I'm still wearing yesterday's clothes.

I take my time in the hot shower, taking the soap bar and rubbing it over my dirty skin. The water feels just so good, that I don't want to get out ever. It is relaxing. I don't give a fuck if I get late to school, we only have about a month left or less. I grab the shampoo and I begin to wash my curly hair. I've got too much hair and it is frustrating, sometimes I'd like to have my head shaved, so that this way i wouldn't have any hair to clean.