Poison Ivy - A Novel

Chapter Six

CHAPTER SIX - UNEDITED

I awoke the next morning feeling ashamed of myself.

For two reasons.

One: I had watched a man fuck a woman in front of me and it turned me on.

Two: I was so turned on that when I got back to my apartment last night I rummaged through my semi-unpacked boxes until I found my trusty vibrator and then I made myself come while thinking about rude neighbor guy doing what I witnessed, but to me.

I did all of this within minutes of entering my apartment too. I felt like a feral animal in heat. I had locked my door and stripped right there in the middle of the room. And my moans were anything but quiet as I used my toy on myself while sprawled on the couch.

I did this for longer than I would like to admit, making myself come over and over again as I imagined him standing in the doorway watching me. Coaching me through my orgasms as he touched himself.

I hadn't felt like this since Blake. I hadn't touched myself since Blake. I hadn't been this turned on since Blake. Heck, I've never imagined anyone but Blake while doing that.

My underwear was soaking wet last night. What the fuck is happening to me. Am I that touch deprived that my rude ass neighbor turned me on? I hardly recognized myself in that moment.

Maybe I need this. I said I wanted change, right?

I always said that I wouldn't have sex until I fell in love and was ready to share that piece of myself with someone I trusted. But my love is dead. He's gone and he's never coming back. So, was I going to remain a virgin for the rest of my life? Because God knows I'm never going to fall in love again.

I decided then and there that I was going to chase that feeling I felt last night. I've felt nothing but pain and sadness since the day Blake left me. I say left because that's what it felt like. It felt like he left me and ripped my heart out in the process. Memories of him haunt me every day like a bad breakup.

I could never forget about Blake. He was my first love after all. The only man I have ever been with. The only man I've ever loved. He will forever have a place in what's left of my heart. He will live on in my memories. But I can't keep living in the memories. I need to move on, make new memories and live my life. It's what Blake would have wanted. He would hate to see me like this.

Living with his ghost had brought me some sort of peace this past year while I grieved but it was now time for me to let go. I had to let go so I could move forward. I know it wasn't going to be easy, but I had to try.

These were supposed to be the best years of my life after all.

---

I received a text from Jake while I was finishing unpacking the last of my boxes.

IVY! missed you last night :(

I chucked a little at his text. I had completely forgotten about Jake. I felt kind of bad now. I didn't even look for him to say hi and he was the one who invited me.

I moved to my bed and responded to his texts in the comfort of my blankets.

JAKE! i was actually there but i didn't stay long

WHAT?! and you didn't say hi???

so sorry! had an unpleasant interaction and needed to get out of there

Not a complete lie.

no worries, you can come to the one tonight! i'll pick you up @10

another party?