Natasha Romanoff: Killer of men, Lover of women

17

When I woke up, I instantly sighed, another day.

My hands felt at my stomach and as I felt the skin had fully healed, good as new, I threw my head back in frustration.

I wanted the pain, the suffering, I deserved it.

Dragging myself out of bed, I went straight to my car, desperately in need of alcohol, not caring that it was the morning.

As I reached my car I froze. Through the back window I could see the dirty bandages and used medical equipment that I'd fixed up Iris with.

I just stood there in a daze, staring at it. That was until a tall man bumped into me.

"Oh! My apologies Madame, are you ok?" He asked, seeing my face pale and cold.

"Uh, yes, I'm fine thank you." I forced a smile as I snapped out of my daze.

"Is this your car?" He asked, gesturing to my car that I'd been staring at for the past 10 minutes.

"Er, yeah, I just lost my keys but it's fine, I got them now." I lied.

I mean what was I supposed to say?
'Oh yeah, it's my car but I'm scared to go in the back because the remains of, what was a girl I really needed, are all over the back seat since I stabbed her yesterday'

The man accepted my answer regardless, going on with his day as I slowly walked around to my car's trunk.

I pulled out a bottle of wine and two of vodka that I'd stashed there the other day, and carried them back to my room.

To start with, I didn't even bother to grab a glass as I opened the wine bottle.

I sighed as the cool liquid passed by my lips, forcing myself to swallow an uncomfortable amount, before climbing back to sit on my bed.

I leaned my back against the headboard and tilted my head up to the ceiling, gulping down another mouthful.

30 minutes passed, and all of the alcohol was gone. I was slumped on my bed, doubled over as I held my head in my hands.

'Look at you. You're weak. I trained you better than this.' The voice of my trainer from my childhood echoed through my mind.

Drunkenly I looked up, gasping as I saw his fuzzy body standing in front of me.

I felt my eyebrows knit together in anger as I stood up, wobbling as I made a swing at his head.

My fist went right through, making me spin with the force and fall onto the floor.

I felt the tears in my eyes start to fall as I looked up at him in confusion. He wasn't really there.

'How could you let yourself become this pathetic?' He sneered.

I spat at him, turning around and closing my eyes to will him away.

When I looked again, he was gone.

Thank God.

'Nat? Please! I'm scared! Please, I need you.'

The young voice of my sister made me whip my head around.

A memory.

She was crying in the corner, her arms wrapped around her legs as she called for me and cried.

I crawled over to her, but again I couldn't touch her either.

"Hey! Yelena it's ok I'm here! It's ok!"

But she couldn't hear me. I tried desperately to pull her into my arms, but just as quickly as she appeared, she vanished, leaving me alone again.

Everyone I'd loved, I'd let down. Everyone I'd loved, I'd pushed away.