Forget Me Not || HIATUS

Chapter 13 - Apology

Tristan

Cool winds announced the arrival of autumn, displacing the fire coloured leaves carpeting the moist ground. Immense quantities were piled up on every lawn, rotting away uselessly. The mornings grew significantly colder, crisp air awakening even the dullest of senses on the slowest of days.

I inhaled deeply, enjoying the smell of my favourite season in all its comforting glory. I smiled my first genuine smile in days. I feel happy, although I know the sensation will be short-lived.

Nothing seems to last anymore.

Sushan and I haven't spoken much since the whole debacle with his mother, I winced at the memory of my heated monologue, at the amount of times I ended up insulting her and the rest of her family. I feel bad, even though all I said was used as a simple defence against her own insults and sharp words.

I sighed rubbing my palm over my face, keeping my steady pace towards the park where we eventually decided to talk things over.

I've been dreading this conversation since last weekend after I was kicked out from the Evans' residency. The only exchange my boyfriend and I had was him sending me the time and place of this meeting. Now, for the first time this week, we are going to talk.

He's been avoiding me at school, deciding to hang out with some "old friends" that I completely dropped, but for some reason he kept in touch. I haven't necessarily felt lonely this week since Chade stayed stuck to my side like a pot of glue, it was startling to see him without his "gIrLfRiEnD" by his side. I didn't ask him about it though, I just assumed that something had happened to them as well, although probably not on the same subject, since they portray the perfect stereotypical heterosexual relationship.

Fucking hets' have it so much easier, it's frustrating.

Sushan was sat on a bench in the more quiet side of the public space, he was busy fiddling with his jacket, I could feel his nerves from where I was standing, nearly fifty meters away.

I walked up, trying to remain cool and confident but happy as well. Unfortunately, my expression dissolved into a heavy mix of worry and dread as I noticed his puffy red eyes and his tear stained cheeks. As I got even closer, I could periodically hear him sniffle and say, as if to reassure himself, this was "the right thing". And-

Oh fuck.

Realisation hit me like a ten tonne truck, striking me with enough force that all the air in my lungs got pushed out in a painful exhale. I steadied myself and braced for the worst, secretly hoping for the best. I strolled over, mustering up as much confidence as I could, I straightened my posture and pasted a happy grin on my face, begging for it to look genuine.

Sushan looked up from his feet, watching me from his seat, he went perfectly still and stayed... sat? He wasn't getting up or showing any signs of potentially doing so. I focused on keeping a frown from decorating my features as I neared. I was about to speak, when his knife sharp tone cut me off.

"Tristan, we need to talk." The words came out of his mouth shakily, his expression was painfully unreadable, where was my happy-go-lucky, anxiety ridden boyfriend? I nodded and obeyed when he motioned for me to sit down beside him.

"Yesterday was... chaotic at best. I understand that what you said was in my defence, but it still hurt my Mum's feelings and mine too." He croaked out, starting this painful conversation. All he's about to say is pointless really, we both know how this whole altercation will end.

"I agree with some of your statements, but others were just... not nice. Now I know my Mum and brother were being homophobic, but insulting them doesn't get us anywhere." He sighed, his words felt rehearsed, almost forced in a peculiar way. A small furrow formed in between my eyebrows, was this whole spiel fucking planned? Was he forced by his family?

"And this has got me up every night just... thinking." His voice slowly lowered to a half whisper as he finally trailed off. The tears were back again as his mask began cracking. I could see glimmers of pain in his eyes, all hope I previously had, evaporated as he spoke those last words.

The break0up is imminent, and I feel... emptiness.

"It got me thinking about you, about our relationship. And it's made me come to a realisation, albeit an extremely painful one, but a realisation nonetheless." He continued, clasping his trembling hands together. The tremor in his voice was back with an avid vengeance as he tried to hold back the beading moisture in his eyes. I swallowed, forcing myself to remain unfeeling and stoic, my usual toxicity towards my emotions making its reappearance.

"And that's why I've decided to end things... between us." He choked out past a few stray sobs, I could see his chest squeeze in what I imagined to be anxiety. I pressed my lips against one another, holding back the sea of emotions surging through me.

"I'm really, really sorry Tristan. I'm breaking up with you." Sushan finally stated, lips trembling as he spoke. I nodded, allowing a single, quiet tear to escape my eye and travel along my freckled cheek. Now not only my hope was gashed, but so was my heart. His abrasive words slashing harsh wounds across my heart and soul. It was the right thing to do and even if he did his best to let me down slowly, it's still overwhelmingly painful to hear.

"Okay. I... I agree with your decision." I finally said after a short moment of reflection.

"From now on we are no longer a couple and... and... a just a quick question?" The words stumbled out of my mouth awkwardly, tripping over my numb tongue and falling through my wobbling lips. He nodded, gesturing for me to continue.

"Will we remain friends?" I asked hesitantly. I watched him pause, blinking in stupor at the query.

"I... I think it's better that we don't... for our hearts' sake." He eventually answered. My whole body shattered in that moment, pierced by his arrowhead like words, breaking me like a fragile glass vase. How will I be able to pick up the scattered pieces when I have no one I can truly rely on? A sob crawled its way into my throat. I pushed it down along with all the other strong emotions I was experiencing, shoving them into a tightly sealed bottle in the deepest darkest part of my stomach.

Decisively, I got up and turned around one last time.

"Bye, Sushan." Were the only words I was able to utter in this moment as I faced his tearstained cheeks and trembling body.

I walked away as confidently as I could, burying myself deeper into my jacket. I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. I pulled it out when I was finally out of range from my very first male ex.

Chade's number had called me multiple times, he had left only one simple message on my voicemail. I brought my phone up to my ear, listening intently as the blond's voice said :

Hey, can you come over? I really need someone to... talk to... bye.

*Beep*

*~~~*

A.N

I'M SO SORRY, I PROMISE THE NEXT CHAPTERS ARE GONNA BE A BIT MORE JOYOUS PLEASE FORGIVE MEEE

Also, thoughts?