Cruel Summer | ✓

chapter twenty-four

The problem with weekends is that they disappear too fucking fast. By the time Sunday afternoon rolls around, it still feels like I've only had Ashley and Connor here for a day and yet we have a matter of hours together before they leave tomorrow morning. Ashley's flight is at noon. They'll be gone by eight. Which means we have sixteen hours left, and half of those will be spent sleeping.

This morning was full-on: we walked into town for breakfast at Cafe Au Late where we bumped into Riley, who drove us out to the lookout when her shift was over, followed by a hike up to the overlook. That took longer than I thought. Ashley is not a hiker, and I misjudged how much shorter her legs are than mine. Connor ended up giving her a piggyback for the last few hundred meters of the ascent, and we spent a long time at the top with one of the best views in the world. By the time we got back to Lou's, her lessons were over and her car was gone, a note on the kitchen table: having lunch with kate, I'll see you later x

I folded that note into my palm and savored that kiss, tracing its lines with my fingertip. I didn't get a chance to ask her about the whole girlfriend thing last night: dinner was a raucous affair, with Ashley taking control of the conversation and propelling us into an evening of sharing increasingly loud and hysterical stories of past summers as we drank and laughed and Lou played footsie with me under the table. By the time we crashed into bed at midnight, I was too exhausted to do anything but be her little spoon and fall into a deep sleep.

Now, at four o'clock on Sunday afternoon, we're in the Takahashis' garden. Ashley and Connor couldn't come all this way and not do exactly what I did: sneak into our old garden and spin on the tire swing that's only there because of us. Connor can't fit like he used to, too broad in all directions, and he almost gives himself another concussion in his attempts to swing with one leg through the hole. I send a picture to the family chat, the only place where Mom and Dad still exist together, but neither of them interact there much anymore. All four of my brothers reply, though, with various degrees of amusement and jealousy and, from Nolan, yo little did u feed connor some kind of height serum or was he always that big?

I reply with a laughing emoji and say, he had a late growth spurt.

Omg I could really do with one of those, Nolan says. He's not that short — five foot eight, same as me — but compared to the rest of the guys in our family, he's pretty small. Dad's six one; Emmett and Cole are both five eleven and Grayson towers over us all at six three. What I don't tell Nolan is that, considering he's nineteen and his growth plates have closed, his chances of gaining a couple inches are pretty much nil.

Mom sends me a private message: Glad you're having fun, honey. Have you thought any more about coming to Rapid City? There's always space for you and I'd love to see you. I miss my baby girl xxx

Guilt stabs me in the chest. I do miss my mom. I haven't seen her since before the whole divorce announcement. Maybe I do need to go to her, if only to clear the air between us and talk everything through, to figure out what happened between her and Dad and to come to terms with her being halfway across the country.

Thanks mom, I text. I'm still thinking abt it, i did apply for jobs there just in case but haven't heard anything yet & im staying here with lou for a bit longer (made some friends!!). I miss you too. Love you

It's been almost a week since I sent off all those applications. Easily over a hundred. Not a single reply yet. All I need is one rejection, for one place to tell me no and give me permission to stay here guilt free. Because then at least I'm trying, right? I'm making the effort to be responsible and it isn't my fault if everybody turns me down.

We're still in the wrong garden when Lou gets home and follows the sound of our voices. She stands on the other side of the fence, her arms folded, and it's the exact scene that played out when I first got here. Already that feels like forever ago, when I slowly came face to face with her and fell in love.