TW: mentions alcohol abu$3 and fighting.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Seven: dads loud again. It's scaring me. Mom always argues with dad whenever he gets loud. Suddenly I hear a crash and my sisters cry from the sound. Followed by a door opening and closing. I see my dad go out to his truck.
I hate this house
Eight: dad hasn't been loud for a few months. Things are better around here. Mom and dad are looking at getting a new house!! I'm exited. I think I like my friend Julia. I don't know why I feel like this and I'm scared I'll be sent to hell. Grandma tells me I'm just feeling a close bond with her. I hope she's right
Nine: we moved into that house I was talking about few months ago. I hate it here. Dads getting drunk. He's been getting louder and I'm starting to have to take care of my sisters. I still like Julia and I'm really scared god won't love me anymore. What if I am a lesbian. Oh no-
Ten: Dad had this new deadly virus. I'm scared he'll die. The whole world is shut down due to this virus known as 'Covid-19' or corona virus. Julia and I keep in touch. I'm so ashamed of myself. My grandma wasn't right. I really do love my best friend. And I hate myself for it.
Eleven: I'm in the middle school now! And I've found out that I'm actually bisexual. Covid is still a big issue but we're allowed back in school. I don't like Julia anymore but I do like other girls and boys. And no I won't go to hell. I don't really believe in a god. Mom and dad are talking about moving to Florida. I'm scared. I heard they don't like trans or gay people. I think I might be trans. I don't know. But my parents don't support it. At least my dad doesn't. My dad is still getting drunk and scaring my sisters and I.
Twelve: I'm officially In misery. My parents moved to Florida. I hate it so much. I miss my friends, my home, my family. I hate how they made it seem like I had a say. But I didn't. It pisses me off so fucking much. They stole everything. Dads still getting drunk but it's getting better. Also I identify as a Demi-boy meaning I use 'he/they' pronouns. Also I go by Toby. I'm so much happier like this. But. I'm getting really bad panic attacks I guess. It sucks. I see dead people and hear this screaming and this thing calls me worthless. I hate it so much.
Thirteen: life's gotten better. A lot better actually. My panic attacks have gotten better. Not completely gone but it's alright. Dads sober but I'm scared he's gonna start drinking again after his big race. Anyways I've made a lot of friends here. Most people are nice. Life's going pretty good over here now.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So this is kinda the story of my life as far back as I can remember. Just looking in it not much Ahmad changed but at the name time soooo much has changed.
Love y'all ♥️🖤♥️🖤
