This was written over the course of an hour and a half in a crowded car. All thoughts there's no real back story or main idea
TW: alc0h0l abu$e, SH, mentions of sewerslide, mentions of pïll$ and OD. So pretty much just about every massive tw there is
PLS STAY SAFE
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Scream it scream it loud your so fucking useless and no one cares. No one Fucking cares. Look at everyone. All happy. With people they care about. Shit man this is my happy place sometimes you scare me but I'll come around to you. I wanna be like frank. I aspire to be like him. He just cares so much and he looks so cool and has such a 'fuck you' attitude but really cares about everyone. I wanna be like him. Write songs like him. Be as liked as he is. Be looked up to. I wanna be like Gerard. As creative as him. As adventurous and awesome as drawing. I wanna be as good looking and could rock anything like him. Hey man I'm
Just a kid. Just like Mikey. I wanna be like him too. I wanna be the little quiet kid who has that lil smile. Who gets shy around cameras but is so much fun to hang out with off the screen. I wanna be like ray. Away from the craze and plays to play. Funny and smart. I wanna be like the chem boys because they're awesome people who seem to just get it. Get life. They never forgot how life as a teenager was.
My heart just feels really empty all the time. Pills only temporarily fill it up. Fill it up with fake ideas that I'm happy and life's okay. Like they don't make me forget who I am and what happened. I don't wanna forget. Cause it takes away the good not just the bad. It takes away the thrill in life. But it gets my thoughts under control and alters aren't as big of an issue. Suicides weird. On one hand it seems like the only option but at the same time you'll
Never come back. I wish I would just die and come back like a few months later. Mabey find my shit while I'm out. I hate the fact Charlie never talks to me. I hate the fact Delaney hates Me. I hate people. I hate the fact that I almost relapsed the other day. I hate the comsant sneaking pills to make me happy. Lying to my parents. I hate the fact that my dad stopped drinking but beer was still being used up. I hate that my dads gonna be drinking again after today. Mark it 9-10-23 James started drinking again. He's gonna get drunk again. He's gonna start yelling again. I love 'the world is Ugly' is such a good song. My mom told me to stop twitching and shaking the other day "Toby stop you don't have tic's". It's from anxiety. God if I could tell little me one thing it would be "brace yourself, it gets ugly" Im
Holding my dads empty IPA (it's a type of beer) under my arms and it's making me wanna puke .
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Five hours later I've run out of anxiety fuel so- yeah most of this was from Oliver and not me. He usually helps correct the books poor grammar but beer was in the mix and he was freaking out. Stay safe loves
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