I love you so

Please..I'm Sorry

Tw: Abuse, drunk parent, thoughts of relapsing, Jared (the dad)

   " "So Nick-" he started with a heavy slur to his words, "-I got a call from your school earlier. Said you were failin'..." "

   He sucked in a breath and with the calmest voice he could manage he responded, "Y-yeah..but I'm working on raising them"

   His father ignored what he said and continues saying, "And you got kicked off the team.."

   Sapnap slowly and quietly tried to walk past his father as he spoke, trying to get upstairs to his room, but his father stood up quickly and yanked him back, hitting his lower back on the table.

   "YOU WILL STAND HERE AND LISTEN WHEN I AM TALKING TO YOU!" Jared yelled

   Sapnap flinched and slightly raised his hands for defense, "Is that understood Nick." Jared spat, waiting for Sapnap to nod

   When his father was satisfied with his responce, he let him go. Sapnap quickly walked over to the stairs right as a glass bottle shattered on the wall right next to his head, his father yelling at him that he better not see him for the rest of the night.

   When he got to his room, he closed the door as quietly as possible as to not enrage his father anymore. Now that he was alone, silent tears fell down his face as he slid down the wall.

   He held in sobs and hit his leg in frustration. He wanted to do it again. He's been trying not to as he was almsot caught from the bandages. It was just- just too much.

Brrring.  His phone rang, pulling him away from anything he was going to do. He quickly pulled his phone out to see who it was. It was Karl. Seeing Karl's name and his goofy profile picture made him smile.

   He wiped away his tears and cleared his throat before answering, "Yo, Karl, what's up?"

   "Hi Sap! Nothing really, you seemed upset at school after you left the office so I wanted to see if you were okay" Karl said I'm his normal bubbly voice

   'Dam this boy is too sweet-' Sapnap thought. "Yeah, I'm okay Karl, don't worry. It's just high school stress heh"

   Karl wasn't really convinced but he didn't want to push. "Well..okay then! See you tomorrow then! Byeeeee"

   "Yeah, see you tomorrow. Bye" Sapnap sighed as he ended the call. Karl was just to pure for him.

   He then heard thumping footsteps up the stairs. His head shot up with fear in his eyes. He stood up, quickly threw his phone on his bed and opened the door to a very drunk father.

His nose scrunched at the wafting smell of alcohol coming off his breath as he spoke. "I'm sorry Nick, I shouldn't have thrown that bottle." Jared half apologized with a slurred tone.

   Jared then took a step forward and tried to hug Sapnap, who dodged the hug. This in turn angered Jared.

   "I'm trying to apologize and give my son a hug!" He shouted and snacked Sapnap upside the head.

   He flinched at the smack and just avoided eye contact. As Jared walked away he drunkenly mumbled "How did I end up with such a worthless and stupid son.."

   His jaw started to tremble as he closed the door. He jsut saw down on the floor next to his bed, head in his hands. He sniffled and when he looked up his hands were slightly damp and his vision was slightly blurry from the tears.

   He wiped them away and was trying his hardest to think of anything else than relapsing. He had been doing so good..why ruin it now?

   He didn't want to be alone. He was scared of being alone, scared of what he might do. Sapnap wanted to call Dream but he didn't want to bother him.. He didn't want to bother anyone.

   He was eyeing the little shoe box in his bathroom. The box that held gauze, bandages, and a blade. He shook his head and covered his ears, pulling his knees to his chest.

   'I've been doing so good. Don't fuck this up now. It'll make Dream sad. I don't want to be a dissapointment to anyone else. Who am I kidding? I'm a dissapointnent to everyone, even myself'

   His thoughts didn't stop. He couldn't stop them. When he tried to think of something that makes him happy, that thought got over taken with words of hate and disgust.

   He couldn't take it anymore. He needed something to shut up the voices yelling at him. He stood up, balancing on his bed frame.

   He took a step.