🍂- Heartstopper - Nick and Charlie -🍂

5.2 - Love

TW - anxiety, self harm

*Nick's POV*

Charlie had slept at my place only this time he had asked his mom. We got ready together to go on our first official really super fun date. All of that is said very sarcastically by the way. I was anxious and shaky again. I hated opening up to people and talking about my mental health but it was truly necessary. So was it for Charlie. I knew that, to him, he was fine and, independent as he was, he hated asking for help and thought he could deal with stuff on his own. Not only did he not want to contact the police for Ben, I also had to drag him to the hospital. I thought both of us could need some help.

When we got there, I started being really stressed out and I could see that Charlie felt the same way. We sat in the waiting area and impatiently waited to be seen to get out of here as fast as we could. 

N - Hey, I just have to go find the loo. I'll be back.

C - Okay, no problem. 

I didn't really have to go, I just really needed some space to get my thoughts back together. As soon as I closed the door behind me, I could feel my heartbeat accelerating. This wasn't good.

Doctor - Nicholas Nelson.

C - He's going to be back soon, sir. 

I sat down on the floor like I usually do and placed my head between my shaky hands. I was about to text Charlie but I heard a knock on the door. 

C - Nick, they called your name, it's your turn.

N - Please, come in.

I looked at him, tears in my eyes. My voice was shaky and my hands were sweating. Before I could say anything else, Charlie bent down next to me and stopped my hands from scratching my neck, which had not completely healed. He took some toilet paper and wiped the blood off.

N - Fuck, I did it again!

C - Come on, it's your turn and I think that it would be better if the doctor saw what it is on the spot.

Charlie helped me get up. I was really lightheaded so I grabbed his hand to not fall down. We got in the doctor's office and both sat down. 

Doctor - What brings you here Nicholas?

N - I don't know, I-

I took a deep breath focusing on my heartbeat.

N - I keep having these panic attacks and I breathe super fast and sometimes I can't even breathe, like my throat would close up. And my hands often get sweaty and shaky and my whole body trembles and I get really dizzy and- 

Doctor - Nicholas, take deep breaths for me please.

The doctor stood up and listened to my heart and lungs. He then proceeded to do a whole bunch of other tests to make sure that there was nothing more. 

Doctor - So, Mr. Nelson, you have what's called anxiety. 

He started blurting out a bunch of facts and statistics but I fully spaced out and couldn't hear anything of what he was saying. Anxiety. Hearing it officially made it so much more real. I was terrified. I started getting lost in my thoughts when I felt Charlie hand grab mine. I glanced at him then back at the doctor. 

Doctor - I'm going to prescribe you some medication to take once a day and it's going to make it way better. For your neck, let me treat it properly and then you'll be good to go.

He treated my wounds and it was so painful. But as soon as we left his office, I felt some sort of relief. 

I guess making my condition real would only make me heal easier.