Olive Green [GxG]

CHAPTER 16

THE NEW YEAR had started, but nothing really changed. Everything and everyone was the same as before except for the year and the month. And for the new light I saw Ava in; for the weird air between us. Obviously, I knew that even if we got together, that relationship would be doomed—most likely. Since we weren't in love with each other and because we started our relationship at the end of high school—that did not sound very reliable to me. On top of that, how many teen relationships survived graduation and months after that? Not many, I would guess.

  My friends had already gone back home. Christmas break had ended. Everything was back to being ordinary; calls with my family and childhood friends over the phone because of the distance, and my home being full mostly only at night. And for those quick make-out sessions every now and then in an empty classroom during lunch break with Ava.

  A new term was here, and I had all my applications done ages ago. All I could do now was to focus on school and not forget to send those applications. And for some reason, my mind wasn't even there. I felt like this all wasn't my reality, but only some kind of weird dream. After all this, choosing the right path for our future seemed so absurd to me when I thought about it. Yes, I wanted to follow in my parents' footsteps but... I felt like it was too early for university. We were just kids.

  Going through the upcoming days felt like a fever dream. My London friends were focused on their things like any other day, while my Instagram chat with Ava was mostly quiet. Although probably not the bad kind of quiet. I hoped, at least.

  "Sid?" I heard my name being called, which made me look up from my maths homework.

  I was currently sitting with the school literature club members by the table, doing my homework. Because although I did decide in the end to join the club, there was nothing to do most of the time.

  "Hm?"

  "You weren't listening," Jade stated, glancing up from her book. I just shrugged since I didn't know how to react to her words. I was obviously paying attention to the work I had to do at some point.

  "We were talkin' 'bout movie night," Leah clarified when Jade didn't say anything else.

  Nodding, I went back to doing my homework I had almost completed. I didn't even understand why they were telling me about some movie night. Be it for the literature club or their friend group. I might have been part of both, it seemed, but I still felt like an impostor—I was just everywhere and nowhere at the same time.

  "We agreed on next Friday," Leah exclaimed, making me look up at her as I raised my eyebrows in a quiet question, to which she rolled her eyes at me, "I meant you're free to tag along."

  "Dunno if I wanna intrude," I shrugged hesitantly. It felt wrong to spend that much time with them. Sometimes it felt like too much. I just came and invaded their lives. They were friends for so long, and I had just spawned here.

  Leah and Jade shared a look like they had a telepathic chat before switching their gazes to Amani. Which I did then, too. The girl who had a dark green hijab today didn't even pay any attention to us as she continued reading some text on her paper.

  After what seemed a minute, Amani suddenly looked up at us, raising her eyebrows in confusion, "What?"

  "Sidney doesn't wanna tag along for the movie night," Leah stated, motioning towards me, to which Jade continued.

  "Because she doesn't wanna intrude."

  Rolling my eyes, I averted my gaze back to the homework in front of me. Only one last result was missing to be written down, which I did right away rather than looking at the girls. It was embarrassing already as it was. I didn't need to have a talk about my feelings in this friendship. I was the new kid here, not them. I was the one who just came into their lives, into their school. I was the one who interrupted their activities. And even though they were the ones asking if I wanted to tag along, it felt like they did that only because of pity. And now, when they knew the way of my thoughts, it felt embarrassing. Having a talk would be even worse.