Silver ||Joel Miller||

we're not leaving you

LAURA

2023

This was all her fault. She'd missed. This was all her fault. He was going to die, and it was all her fucking fault.

Laura and Ellie helped Joel down the stairs into the basement of a home. They'd stumbled upon a small town while fleeing the University, and decided that it was going to be safe enough to stay in while Joel recovered.

She had been the one to get him that far, making sure he stayed on the horse behind her. How many times had she told him to stay awake? How many times did she tell him to squeeze her body to prove he was still alive? How many times did she tell him to whisper a story to her so that he could focus on staying awake?

Ellie had been chanting 'fuck' down the stairs, and so far it hadn't helped at all. But if it helped ease her kid's conscience then maybe it helped after all.

"Come on, just a few more stairs..." Laura whispered just loud enough to be heard over his laboured breathing.

They'd put the horses in the garage, and from there Laura had told Ellie to set up a bed in the basement, which would be the safest room in the house. While the kid had done so, Laura had helped Joel off the horse and began walking him in. They had to be cautious, especially since he was still fucking bleeding. He shouldn't have taken that fucking thing out, he should have left it in until they were at a safe distance with some kind of method for sealing the wound. But she didn't blame him for the reaction, not when it wasn't his fault it had happened to him.

Once they reached the bottom of the stairs, she and Ellie helped ease him onto the makeshift bed. It wasn't much, but it was something. It was better to lay on this thin mattress than on the concrete.

"Leave..." Joel whispered as Laura stood up. Her heart was stuck in her throat just as it had been since he'd been stabbed by the shattered remnants of the bat. "Leave..." he repeated as if it would make a difference. Laura wouldn't leave him. She couldn't.

"Shut up, Joel," Ellie whispered back as she threw a blanket over him.

"Take the gun..." Joel trailed off, and Laura's breath hastened.

"Joel, shut the fuck up!" Ellie shouted, clearly thinking he was just as insane as Laura thought he was.

"You go..." was it the blood loss making him delirious? "You go..." it had to be. There was no other reasonable explanation. "You go north, you go to Tommy... you go." No. She wasn't going anywhere. Ellie shook her head before she went to the stairs and back up to the main floor.

Fuck.

Joel's dark eyes turned to her as tears stung hers. They fell down her cheeks and burned her skin. This wasn't how it was meant to go.

"I'm so sorry..." she whispered as she covered him with another blanket. He had to be kept warm, he had to be kept comfortable. It would make for a better recovery. It would make for a faster recovery. "This is all my fault-"

"It's not your fault." He cut her off, reaching up slowly to wipe the tears from her cheeks. They were easily replaced with new ones as she looked down at him. "It's not..."

"I fucking missed, Joel. I missed. Twenty-six years, and I... I couldn't keep you safe. That's the one thing..." he wiped away the new tears that streamed down her face, but they didn't slow. This was her fault. He was going to die and it was all her fault.

"It's okay. You did what you could, you were scared." She tried to suck in air but couldn't. She'd missed. She'd fucking missed.

"I wasn't scared, I was fucking petrified. And that shouldn't have made a difference. I've been fucking terrified before and still made the shot, so how the fuck did I miss?" She asked rhetorically as she tucked the blanket in around him, as she pushed his arm beneath the covers and swaddled him in.