Silver ||Joel Miller||

you aren't the little hero you think you are

JOEL

She'd called him Texas during the negotiation. God damn it, she had called him Texas and Tess had noticed. It was the reason Tess was now on edge, and that meant Joel had to tread carefully.

As he woke from his nap, he scanned the room. His eyes landed on Ellie and Laura, having a hushed conversation near the radio. Maybe it was quiet to prevent him from waking up... or maybe it was quiet so that he couldn't hear what they were saying. If it was the latter option, he'd say it was working.

He knew that Tess had brokered deals with a 'Laura' before, knew how much information the 'Laura' had and how useful she was to them. But of all the people left in the world that had to actually be Laura... why did it have to be her?

His body froze as he watched her talk. Laura's hazel eyes focused on the kid in front of her. Familiar curled brown locks fell around her shoulders, loose from the braids they'd been in earlier that day. Slowly he sat up, briefly looking at the kitchen bench before locking onto the other two once again. Of all the people who could be Laura, why did it have to be Quebec?

And why did she have to be involved with Marlene and this kid?

"Did you have a good nap?" Laura asked, those hazel eyes locked on him with a kind of anger that he hadn't seen before. At least not from her. "You were supposed to be watching her. What if someone-"

"Well, they didn't, did they?" He cut her off, twisting the broken watch on his wrist so the dial was facing the right way.

It took a few seconds of silence before he dared to look at her again. It was probably for the best that he'd waited those few seconds too, because she seemed... livid, at the very least.

"Did you pack a bag?" He asked, wanting to break the silence. She nodded towards the door, where a new bag had been placed next to the kid's. It seemed to have very little in it. The only thing of notice was a sleeping pack rolled up and clipped to the bottom. "And your bow..." he trailed off, seeing the bow leaning against the wall as well. Of all the weapons in the world...

"FEDRA are everywhere. It was easier to get it here than try to get it stashed somewhere else," Laura replied. The arrows were stuck into the bag, most likely sitting in a quiver. If that was in the bag, then there had to be next to nothing else in it. The Fireflies were going across the country. Surely, she needed more than what she had. "And it's a good thing I didn't waste the time, since apparently your take on making sure someone stays safe is to sleep while you're supposed to be watching them."

"Compared to simply abandoning her? I think I did well." Joel immediately regretting the words as they slipped through his teeth. What the fuck was wrong with him today? He should have been speaking calmly and kindly to her, but he guessed it wouldn't matter after they smuggled the girl out of the QZ. As soon as they finished the job, he would head to Wyoming to find Tommy and she... well, she wouldn't.

"The radio came on while you were asleep," the kid said, snapping Joel back to the present, and ending the argument before it got out of hand. "The song kept saying something like 'wake me up, before you go go'..."

"Shit." So not only was he having to deal with whatever the fuck was happening right now, but also the fact that Bill and Frank were in danger. God, he could not catch a damned break.

"So 80s means danger... code broken."

"Ellie." Laura laced her voice with a warning. "What did I say you had to do?"

"Play nice, but you-"

"You need to do as I say and not as I do. I don't care if I ended up tearing Texas here a new asshole; you still have to play nice because he's going to help you." Laura cut the girl off. And she'd said it again. She'd called him 'Texas' and spurred something in him that made him stand up, unable to stay still on the couch for any longer.

"I think I'm helping you too, Quebec, so maybe we could all play nice," Joel replied, inching towards her as she reflected his actions.

"Helping me? I can make it to the State House by myself, Texas, so you aren't the little hero you think you are. If I had it my way, you wouldn't be anywhere near me." She tilted her head to the side, her hair tumbling behind her shoulder and revealing a sliver of her neck. Her golden skin caught what little light there was in the room... was she fucking teasing him? No, surely fucking not.

"And if I had it my way, Quebec, I wouldn't go with you," he replied, forcing his eyes to stick to hers. She wouldn't win, not this time. No. The curve of her neck wouldn't distract him, even if every second thought he had was to do with feeling her body beneath his and-

"Oh my god, you two fucked!" The kid shouted, ending whatever the fuck was going on between Joel and Laura. He was glad that she turned away from him to look back at the girl, because he wasn't entirely sure what he would do if she kept staring at him the way she had been. Well, he knew what he had thought of doing, but given the factors of their situation, that was definitely a bad idea.

"I don't know what-"

"Laura, you have nicknames for each other that's probably to do with where you grew up and you both keep looking at the kitchen bench like something happened here before. Because it did. You two-" this kid was smarter than she looked.

"Ellie, that's enough." Laura held up a delicate hand, the movement made elegant by the fluidity of her fingers. "It happened years ago, and it doesn't matter anymore. What matters is getting you West." It didn't matter anymore? Right.

He guessed he could ignore the feeling in the pit of his stomach then. Ignore the part of him that screamed to say something before they never saw each other again. That told him that this was all happening for a reason.

It didn't matter anymore.

Maybe it never did.

And maybe that was why she'd left four years ago.

Silence sat in the room, weighing down on Joel and helping him make a decision. If it didn't matter to Laura, then it didn't matter to him. It couldn't. Emotions only got in the way, made things more difficult than they had to be. It was probably for the best.

"What's going on?" Tess asked as she walked into the eerily silent apartment.

"Doesn't matter. We need to go." Joel said, picking up his bag and brushing past Laura in the process. At least he would only be stuck with her for the next day. By tomorrow night, they would be at the State House and they could go their separate ways.

He had to ignore the hammering in his chest at the thought of never laying eyes on her again. Had to ignore the way his fingers itched for some form of contact from her.

Had to ignore every memory of that kitchen bench.

It didn't matter.

It never did.