Silver ||Joel Miller||

you have no idea what loss is

JOEL

What the fuck was he doing? Aside from failing to fix his damned fucking boot? His hand never recovered right after taking out that guard on the way out of the QZ. Laura had tried to get him to do some strengthening exercises, but she was no doctor and they hadn't helped too much.

How was he supposed to get Ellie and Laura to Colorado when he couldn't fix a fucking shoe?

"The guys said I might find you here..." Joel looked up as he heard the door open, and saw Tommy walk in. "Figured I'd save you the trouble." Tommy put new boots in front of him and walked away. He didn't want any fucking handouts, but if this would stop him from having to fix his shoe...

"I shouldn't have said what I said. I don't even believe it." Tommy began talking again, and Joel shook his head. "I know you're happy for me. It just... It's complicated for you... and I'm sorry." Well, at least he apologised. That was all Joel could have asked for. "So, are you going to let me off the hook, or what?" He guessed he could forgive his brother, they'd both said things they regretted so maybe it was best to just move past them.

"This ride to the University, is it a suicide mission?" Joel had to get his biggest worry out of the way. If it was going to get them killed, it might be best to convince Laura to get them all to stay.

"No. It's dangerous, but it's nothing you can't handle." So convincing Laura to stay wouldn't work. Fuck. "Just prepare and do what you do."

"You've had people go that way and come back?" He asked next.

"All of them." Okay, well that helped him feel a little bit better about the situation. Maybe they could survive... "What is this?" He looked up at his brother. If he told Tommy... did he trust his brother enough to tell him? Well, if you couldn't trust family then you had nothing.

"She's immune." Joel's voice was quiet, too fucking quiet.

"What?" That seemed like a reasonable response.

"Ellie. She got infected, but she didn't get sick." Joel explained, and he saw the confusion in Tommy's eyes. "Tommy." No, that wasn't confusion. That was concern, fear even. "Tommy, I saw her get bit myself. That was months ago. Months. She's immune." There was silence for a moment, just long enough for Joel's chest to constrict. Maybe telling Tommy was a bad fucking idea.

"From the beginning." Okay. He would go from the beginning.

"It was Marlene. She hired us to smuggle her to some Fireflies, and to take Laura with us. It went bad. Tess got bit. She made me swear to take the kid. It was her dying wish. What the hell was I supposed to do?" Joel asked, his brow furrowed as he thought about everything. There wasn't time to wallow in his grief at losing Tess. "We made it as far as K.C., and then..." and then he failed. He fucking failed.

"You know, she saved my life there... from another kid." Joel continued, shaking his head. "Five years ago, I would've destroyed him. But she had to shoot him to save me and Laura. Fourteen years old. Because I was too slow and too fսcking deaf to hear him coming. I was too weak to get up and save Laura after he almost choked me out, when Laura had already done the same for me. And I saw..." God, Henry and Sam. "I saw a man kill his own brother to save her, while I just watched." Not that he could have done anything, if he had then he or Laura would have been shot instead. But that didn't mean his body hadn't frozen in fear.

"And today, I thought that dog was going to tear her apart because it smelled something on her. And all I did was stand there." His heart was hammering in his chest just thinking about it. "I couldn't... move. I couldn't think of anything to say. I just... I was so afraid." Joel admitted, and he felt his eyes sting. He wasn't meant to get attached to Ellie, but here he was. He wasn't meant to get re-attached to Laura either...