Secret Novelty [ON-HOLD]

Chapter 14

⚠️Trigger warning⚠️

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// Janella's POV//

"Tay p-pasensya n-na p-po, h-hindi n-na p-po mau-uulit! T-tama na p-po t-tay m-masakit tay! *PACK*"

"ENOUGHHHHH!!" I screamed from the top of my lungs unable to breath properly. I was awaken from my deep slumber by a nightmare of my past that I wish we're no longer exist.

I was shaking while putting my glasses on. I'm trying to calm myself down.

"B-breath i-in a-and b-breath o-out. I-it's just a dream. I-t's just a dream. It's just a dream. Y-you'll be fine J-Janela. You'll be fine." I repeatedly said to myself. I'm trying to divert my attention by folding my blanket over and over again.

When I calm down, I went up and opened all my lights in my bedroom. I open my speaker that produce rain sounds that calm me down. I went to my mini fridge to get some bottled water as I'm trying to keep my shit together.

Actually, It's been a while since I'm having those nightmares. I'm glad that I can overcome it by now because before, I can't really control my emotions and I suddenly just became aggresive towards other people.

I must say that the anti-depresants and the on-going therapy with Dr. Tuviera really paid off kahit papaano.

One thing that I can't do right now is to lower my guards down. I don't want to break the wall that I built for years and my parents and my friends are not an exemption.

I know I'm being selfish or absurd but this is the only way I see to really protect myself from such violent behaviors that humanity have. It's innate and we can't do anything about it. Sure we can prevent it but here in the Philippines? Nah.

Social Justice here in the Philippines is unfair. And that's a fact!

I'm still trying my best that within this cold aura that I have, I want my loved ones to feel that I really care about them. I may be stoic but atleast I know how to balance my love for myself and to my family.

After I settled down, I figured to go talk to Dr. Tuviera later to give him an update about myself for this week. Especially of what happened just now.

I was about to go back to sleep when my phone lit up. I just discovered that it's already 2 am. I checked the notification just to see Ress messaged me.

I was surprised that she messaged me this late at night. That's so random of her. I wonder what she's doing at this hour and she can't sleep?