GenderSwitchs Vol. 5 (English)

Interlude 3

Throughout that place I could hear different types of reactions to the new year; happiness, sadness, loneliness, and even cases where no one really cared about it at all.

In my case, I could feel a very different mix of emotions. On one hand, I was quite familiar with welcoming the year with a "good atmosphere" around me, since that's how it used to be in the past. That was how it was supposed to be this year as well, but because of my own fault, I realized that it would not be possible.

I was lonely, as I walked through the halls of the place, I felt the need to call "my new home". Passing through that empty place, I could hear how the rest of the people who also lived in this place laughed and shouted "happy new year", while I could only appreciate the celebration from afar.

Full of joy and happiness, the people in those rooms began to talk about what they would do when they left this place, or what they would do in this new year. For my part, and since I didn't care, I decided to move away from there, and went out to the outside courtyard of that large complex, sitting under a tree, and watching the snow fall.

"I can't sleep, and even if I tried, I wouldn't make it. I don't think these people would let me anyway." I kept telling myself as I tried to find comfort in the winter cold, and the more I thought about how much I had screwed things up because of my stupidity.

However, even while being in great solitude, I could feel that a person sat down next to me.

"It's cold today, don't you think?"

When I became aware of his presence, I could see his slender figure sitting next to me, as he extended a cup of amazake to me.

"What do you want?" I asked, doubting his intentions.

"Come on, aggressiveness won't help you find peace of mind on a day like this."

"...Whatever." I said as I tried to ignore that person sitting next to me. However, as I realized how cold it was getting, I was beginning to consider the idea of taking the amazake that person had brought me.

"Why are you here?"

"I wonder why? Perhaps it is because, like you, I am in complete loneliness on a day as special as this." He said, and took a sip of his hot drink. "Tell me, are you enjoying yourself here?"

"Does that matter? I really don't think I deserve it anyway."

"I thought so. Being in your position, I'd think the same thing too, but I guess it's not just about thinking of yourself in such a selfish way."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

I was starting to get angry, as everything this person said seemed like a mockery of me.

"What I mean is that, well, as people start a new year, they also start a new stage in life. It's the same with you."

"What?"

Gently closing his eyes, and with a strange smile, he said:

"I understand the reasons of why you're here, and I really think you're in time to change. If you put your mind to it, I think you'll be a better person, and at the same time, you'll enjoy this experience even being alone. Or at least that's what I believe."

Once he said that, he set the cup of amazake he brought for me aside, and stood up.

"Anyway, it's just a matter of time and thinking things through properly. I'll go to sleep; I hope you can sleep too. Happy New Year." Said that person who somehow made me so angry, but at the same time made me consider a lot of things, which I was already aware of, but which I wasn't certain were true. If that were the case, that I could change the course of things for the better, well, I don't think it would be wrong to try. However, that would take some time, and by the time I realize it, I would probably have already changed something.

Hesitantly, and still feeling the cold of loneliness in that snow-filled courtyard, I gently took the cup of amazake, which was still warm, and began to drink it little by little.

"... Idiot." I said, though I didn't know if that little phrase was directed at that person, or for myself.

Whatever the case was, thanks to that amazake and his words, I somehow managed to fall asleep that night.