Risen from the Grave

the blame's on me

A/N: lol this is very late cuz shit happens, but I'm trying to write the last few chapters (omg only three left) TODAY and get them all posted tonight. If that will happen, who knows, I've got stuff to do today, but I'll do my absolute best. It's insane thinking I've been working on this book since like, May/June time and it's now coming to an end. Hope you all enjoy this chapter and the ones to come <3

title from 'blame's on me'

We traversed the thick forest, navigating through thick bushes and climbing over fallen trees. The infected surrounded us, and one by one we took them down, each of us having to take on two or three in order to survive. I smiled gently, knowing the gun Luke was using was once used by Alex to keep the infected away from me each time we went out on runs. I tried recalling some nicer memories, times when we were all gathered in the prison around a table, just talking about our lives before. I remember Willie recounting the day Caleb adopted him, what he calls the best day of his life. I remember Luke and Reggie talking over one another about the vacations their families went on together. I remember Dad telling everyone embarrassing stories of me and Julie when we were kids. Yet... I don't remember Alex talking much about his life. I don't know what his job was, where he lived, where he was from, when he adopted Owen. I knew barely anything about the guy despite him saving my life multiple times and considering him to be my best friend. But now... now I couldn't ask him about those things. I couldn't have those conversations anymore. I couldn't ask him what his life was like, or why he didn't talk about it. I went to turn to Owen, planning on asking him a few questions about his dad, only to realise he wasn't there. I looked around, and finally tuned back in to reality, noticing the group had stopped a few feet behind me and were kneeling on the floor, and Luke was calling my name, crying. I panicked, rushing over to him and kneeling beside him. "What's going on, what's wrong?"I asked, glancing at everyone. My eyes then landed on Owen in the middle, leaning heavily on Willie's side, sobbing his poor eyes out. I turned back to Luke and whispered, "Is it about Alex?" Luke sadly shook his head, wiping away his tears.

"Bobby... he..."but he couldn't finish his sentence. I looked back over and noticed Dad inspecting the back of Owen's shirt (or so I thought). I moved around slightly to take a look myself, only to see where the problem was. I huge, gaping bite mark, right on the back of his shoulder. My heart almost stopped. I could see Willie sobbing next to Owen, holding the boy so tight I was surprised he could still breathe.

"It hurts Willie..."Owen cried. "Make it stop hurting, please."

"I can't buddy,"Willie whispered, hiding his face in the boy's hair. "I wish I could." Owen then raised his head to look at me, his eyes glossed over with tears and fear.

"Am I going to die?"he asked me, and I couldn't even answer. We'd failed Alex. All he would've wanted would've been for us to take care of Owen for him, and we couldn't even do that. He turned back to Willie, sobbing his poor eyes out, and asked, "Am I gonna see my daddy again?" Willie smiled slightly and nodded, and Owen grinned back, seemingly excited at that possibility, but not accounting for what it means. "I'm gonna give him a big hug,"he stated, leaning back into Willie's side and blinking back tears. "I just hope it doesn't hurt as much anymore. It really, really hurts, Willie." And the floodgates opened again, and I couldn't look at the poor kid anymore. I turned to look at Luke, who was looking out into the forest, on watch for any infected. I turned to sit next to him and pulled him into my side, gently kissing his head.

"This fucking sucks,"he said, leaning on me. "He so young, he doesn't deserve this. He deserves to live more than any of us." I nodded, keeping a firm hand on my gun.

"We shouldn't have let him come,"I decided. "Sure, he wants to avenge his dad, but it was never safe. This is on us - me. This is on me,"I corrected. "I should've told him to stay behind with you, or my dad."

"Maybe... he wouldn't have listened though. He's more desperate than any of us to kill them, he would've found a way to get here." We sat in silence for a bit, the only sound being the sobs of Owen and quiet cries of Willie.

"Someone's gonna have to... put him out,"I finally said, realising the full extent of the situation.

"Nobody's gonna want to do that... not to a kid." I nodded, turning back and finding Dad. He was taking watch on the other side, keeping an eye out for any infected and I alerted him of our dilemma.

"Crap..."he muttered, glancing back at the remaining people on the floor surrounding the crying child. After a moment of thought, he finally said,"I'll do it."

"You don't have to,"I began, but he cut me off.

"I do. You've already had to do it, Luke doesn't have the gut, Julie would feel too guilty after and it was just be cruel to make Willie do it. I will."

"Are you sure?"I double checked, thinking about what happened to Carlos right at the beginning. It was strange to think that was almost a year ago. He nodded, turning around and joining the group. I took his position, looking out for any infected. I briefly looked behind me to check on Luke, who was looking back at me. I have him a reassuring smile, and turned back, assessing the situation. We were about to lose Owen, Luke's dad was still locked up at the prison (and he may have escaped, we don't know) and we were in the middle of a forest trying to find our way to a base full of people who will want us dead. We were completely and utterly fucked. "We have to go back,"I stated, turning to the group on the floor. Julie looked up at me, confused, and Owen looked angry.

"No, no!"he cried. "You have to kill them for me, please don't let them live, you can't go back!" I sighed, kneeling beside him as Julie took my position on lookout. Luke glanced back at us too, looking worried.

"I know it's hard,"I began. "I know you're angry. I am too. I want them dead too. We all do, I promise. But... but we aren't ready. We can't take them on, not without loosing people, and I can't make that sacrifice, not... not with everything that's happening. But I promise you, Owen, I will avenge your dad. I will kill Ryan and I will make sure it hurts. I don't care if it kills me, I will do it. But I need to think about the people who are still with us first. Like Willie, and my dad. You don't want them to get hurt, do you?" He shamefully shook his head, tears pricking at his eyes. "We'll go back. We'll get a proper plan, one that isn't just 'run in a kill people' because that won't end well. We need to be more calculated. But I assure you it will happen." I held out my pinky and he happily accepted it, smiling through the pain. I blinked away tears and stood back up, walking over to Luke. I knew he didn't have much time left, but we didn't know exactly how long.

"I can't do this,"Luke said to me when I reached him, tears in his eyes. "I can't. I just can't." He then collapsed into my arms and I just let him pull me to the ground. We sat there as he cried into my arms and I did my bets to console him, rubbing his back, but still looking out for the infected.

"I know,"I whispered. "I know it's hard. I know you want to give up. So do I. But you can't. I can't let you give up. You don't have to come next time, you can stay behind, maybe in the car. But I need you to keep fighting, Luke. You're what's keeping me going. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you-" Before I could finish, a loud sob echoed around, and I turned back to see Dad plunging the knife into Owen's head, his little face pale, his eyes red. I assumed he'd started to turn, and before he could do any harm, Dad had put him out. Willie was holding his tiny body, crying into the blond hair on his head. I just sat there, not wanting to move, not wanting to do or feel anything. Just this numbness that overcame me when Alex was murdered, when Caleb was killed, when I put Reggie out, when Tía took her own life. This... feeling, almost, that hurts but is void of any emotion. Just wanting time to stop for a bit, let the information sink in. I let go of Luke to wrap my arms around Willie in a poor attempt to console him. Luke followed, hugging him too, and Dad soon followed suit, leaving just Julie, who had to keep watch. And together we just sat there, surrounding the dead body of a child we'd all raised together, who's father we couldn't save, just like we couldn't save him. And in that moment, I make myself a promise. I promise I couldn't break. A promise similar to the one I'd made Reggie. I promised I wouldn't let any more people die, even if it meant I did. I wouldn't let Willie, or Dad, or Julie, or Luke ever get killed, by a human, the infected or even themselves. A promise I'd failed to give Owen, or Alex, or Caleb, or Reggie, or Tía, or Mom, or Carlos.