𝐢𝐠𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐞 / 𝐈𝐈𝐈.

06.

the greatest ally

Lounged against the bench swing on the back porch, I sit with my guitar propped against my knee. It had been ages since I'd picked it up and played a song, and even with it on my lap I just blankly stared at my song booklet. Edward has been gone for two days now, he hasn't bothered to text me either. I think we both have a lot of shame built up from the situation. My mind continues to be a static blank as I tap the guitar, wishing for some relief.

"Hey, how come you're not out and about with your friends?" I turn my gaze up to my mother who peers down at me from the doorframe. She's still in her purple scrubs, hair knotted in a bun, eyes heavy from a long day of work.

"Uh, they went shopping today in Port Angeles. I didn't feel like joining."

She clicks her tongue, coming and sitting down on the bench with me. I wonder if she's beginning to pity me, beginning to see through my failing facade. Unlike most of my friends and their mothers, we hadn't done any shopping to get me ready for my non-existent college experience. Instead, she'd promise to write me a check to use once I'm in Alaska to buy the things I need. Which made me feel just as guilty, in terms of money, I'd never have to worry once I'm in Alaska.

"How's Edward?" Mom quietly asks, leaning her head against her hand, her elbow propped against the back of the bench. The story I'd told her was that he and Emmett had gone to help Jasper move back home for the summer from college. It was a good enough excuse for the actual situation.

"Um, he's been too busy to text." I lie, trying not to bite my tongue. The words sound fake coming out of my mouth—pure bullshit.

"What's going on, Heather? You know you can talk to me about your relationship." She says, reaching a hand out and leaving it on my shoulder. "I know I might not be the most approving of your current relationship, and I know you might not feel as comfortable with me as you do with Teresa or Jay. But you can talk to me."

My feet kick against the dusty wooden floors of the porch, my gaze drops to stare at them. How could I possibly tell her what was going on, I hate continuing to lie to her, but I have no other choice. She can't know the truth, I can't do that to her.

"Heather?"

"We're just going through a rough patch." I sigh, putting my guitar down on the floor. "We're just sorting some stuff out."

"You know you don't owe him anything, Heather?" She speaks, her words cutting deep. "I don't know if you got back with him out of obligation, or if you still do love him, but there's no reason to stay with him if your feelings have changed. It's not too late to back out of going to college in Alaska, I won't be mad at you."

"Thanks, Mom. But it's too late for that. I'll be fine." I swallow hard, wanting this conversation to be over. Wishing she could know the truth without it endangering her. "I'm going to talk to him, we'll sort everything out."

Mom doesn't respond to me, but her glassy eyes say enough. I can feel her worry radiating off of me.

  "I just don't want you to make a mistake. It would be terrible if you spent the better years of your life wasted on something that shouldn't be." She sniffs, reaching a hand out cautiously like I'd bite back and running it through my hair. I stiffened against her touch and words, but I'd be stuck at the age forever, eighteen for eternity. The thought itself makes my blood boil, never growing up, growing old. To some, that may sound like heaven, but it was hell for me.

"I'm gonna miss you when I'm in Alaska." I force out, her lip trembling as she nods. "I'm sorry I've been a bitch recently too. I just, I don't know what's come over me."

"I forgive you, Heather," Mom tells me after letting out a laugh. She wipes the tears from her eyes, dragging me into a hug that I can't get out of, even if I wanted to. "I pulled the same stunts when I was about to go to college. You're growing up, you'll be eighteen next month. A lot is changing, you're not the same little girl I had to worry about. I gave my mother hell the summer before I went to college. Worse than you, I drank a lot and snuck out more than you currently do—"

"You know about that?"

"Heather, baby, yes I knew. It's a four-minute drive from here to the Carver Cafe and close-up never takes you that long. But that's beside the point—"

"You're not going to punish me?" I ask, thoroughly surprised by my mother's behavior.

"Like I said, you're almost an adult. And I knew there was no point in calling you out about it, you and Edward would've found a way to sneak around anyway." She says and I let out a sigh of relief. Tonight, dinner with the Swans would not include my head on a platter, which is what I fully expected her to do if Mom ever found out. "I just don't want you to push me away like I did with my mother. Had it not been for you, I probably would've never willingly come back to Forks, and never reconciled with my parents. Please don't do what I did."

"I won't." It's such a lie that I'm surprised my nose didn't grow several inches. What I'll do, compared to what my mother had done to her parents, will make her look like a saint. She'd completely lose me, I could never come back to her after I leave in August. There'll be no chance at redemption and it pains me, but what hurts more is knowing she'll forgive me when I disappear from her. Something I felt I didn't deserve. I'd betrayed my family, friends, and humanity when I fell for Edward Cullen, and I'd spend eternity remembering that.

"I love you, Heather. I'm proud of you no matter what happens." She says as if she read my mind like Edward does. I crumple in her arms, biting my tongue trying not to cry. But the idea of saying goodbye to her made me crumple up like paper, I bawled into her shoulder as she held me.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Jay hovers over me with scissors in hand, I sit perched on the toilet seat as she makes a face. "You're positive you want to cut your hair?"

"Yes, Jay." I groan, wondering how many times she'd ask me this question before she'd take the scissors to my hair. "I've made my mind up, I'm not changing it." In all honesty, the decision was a bit impulsive and I hadn't thought of the lasting effects it would have. Not bothering to consider what length my hair would be once I was turned in August. But I want to do something for myself and try to express the change I feel in my life, that I'm not the same teenage girl who decided to grow her hair long.

"Alright, how short do you want it?" I show her with my hands where to stop- just at my shoulders- before she begins to cut. Jay was careful with the scissors, having watched her mother cut peoples' hair for years, she's also cut and bleached her own. If there was anyone I trusted to do this, it was her.

The dark hairs fall to the floor of the bathroom, scattered across the tile as she continues to work. I close my eyes, having faith in the end result as my phone begins to ring. Reaching out I frown at the caller ID, Edward.

Sana's Note
Hi, what is this, two chapters of notes in a row? Well, I have thoughts to share. I included Heather cutting her hair because the changing of one's appearance in media often correlates with a different change in that person. And well, Heather's life is a mess and wants to show she's not the girl she used to be, resulting in the decision to change her hair. ALSO, Gracie Abrams just cut her hair to that length and I want to use one of her newer images for the next book's face claim.