𝐢𝐠𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐞 / 𝐈𝐈𝐈.

13.

the moment i knew

It hadn't been my intention to stay out all night with Jay, but before I knew it, the sun was rising over the Pacific Ocean and she and I were still in her car, talking. Like a burden had been lifted off my shoulders, she and I were able to move off of the topics that troubled me to talking like we always did. Just two girls who'd had too much caffeine and soaked in the other's behavior.

I'd almost completely forgotten about my problems and woes until she turned on my street to drop me off. Like the salt water I'd accidentally ingested while swimming is suffocating my lungs, I begin to internally panic. The black Maserati is parked where Edward always parked, and even from a distance, I can tell that his posture and pose are one of disappointment and contempt. He has to know I'd disappeared for the night, he has to know something is wrong between us. And yet, I don't know how he plans on prying the truth out of me.

"Shit, do you want me to drive you somewhere else or get out with you?" Jay offers, knitting her brows together as she slows the car to stall time.

"No, Jay. I need to face him sooner rather than later." Though, a large part of me wishes it can wait until after Victoria is dealt with, I know the longer I wait, the worse it'll get.

Jay looks at me again, pursing her lips but she accepts my decision and parks the car behind his. Being so close, you can see the pissed-off look on his face, though per usual, he's attempting to hide it. But, it's a poor attempt and a feeling of nausea begins to brew in my stomach.

"Are you sure you don't-"

"I'm positive, Jay." I lie, reaching for the door handle and swallowing. She looks at me, worry painting her face as I open the door.

"Good luck." Jay quietly says, foolishly thinking Edward can't hear her words or the wild thoughts that are probably racing through her mind. "Break a heart."

Not responding, I close the door and stand my ground, waiting until Jay has reluctantly driven away before I turn to face Edward. If I could read his thoughts right now, I'm sure I'd shudder and shy away. I can only imagine the spew of hatred that is filled with them, and I can't blame him as all I feel now is frigid loathing.

"Where have you been? You were gone all night!" Edward finally speaks, trying hard to keep his composure. But when I don't respond soon enough, anger completely covers his face. "Well? Where the hell have you been, Heather? And why do I smell tobacco on you?"

"I was just doing what you always wanted from me. Being a human." I respond, my voice laced with snark. Folding my arms in defense, I narrow my eyes to a glare. "Am I not allowed to do that anymore? Rushing the vampire lifestyle on me already?"

"That's not what I said!" There's a shift in his tone, I can finally hear the anger beginning to seep in. The reaction causes my body to start pumping out adrenaline, causing me to be able to punch back at his words.

"Then what is it, Edward? Why do you care so much?" I snap back at him, digging deep with my knife, aiming for blood even if he had none.

"Because I care and love you!"

"Bullshit! If you loved me you would've never left! If you loved me, you wouldn't sneer every time I mention my friends from the Rez! If you loved me, you would trust me!" It almost feels like a relief, to rip myself open and expose how I feel, to take out all the frustrations and hurt that's been building up since his return.

The silence that follows makes it even more satisfying. Watching Edward stand there, huffing and scowling at me, unable to give me a good answer, an answer I would believe.

"I do trust you." Liar. "I left because I loved you and I'll forever hate myself for what I did, Heather. You deserve better than what I've given." He admits defeat, but the look on his face, like I'd died just killed his cat, makes my stomach knot with nausea and guilt. The sad look, those weepy amber eyes make me burn with anger.

"No, you don't get to do that, and just expect me to accept your shitty apologies! I'm so sick of this, of bending to your every will, I'm sick of pretending like you didn't break my heart and have failed to put it back together, Edward. Are you even aware that I've been lying to you, about my feelings towards you, since you got back? Or do you have so little care and self-respect that you just ignored it and continued to dump your love and affection on me?" It finally snaps out of me, like a tree breaking beneath the wind of a storm, I can feel my body and mind rejoicing and screaming from the release of it all.

"Yes, I knew. But I—" He pauses, breathing in the dew-filled air, the smell of summer pine and grass, and my shampoo as my hair blows in the wind. "—It's hard to mention it, it's hard to accept that I single-handedly caused all that damage, Heather. And I'm sorry that when you look at me it just causes you grief. Because I do love you, I will never love anyone like I have loved you. And I don't deserve your love, and I want you to be mad at me, I want you to scream and shout and force me away. Because I don't have it any me to leave you unless you tell me to."

"Then leave Edward. Because I can't do this, not now." I finally choke out, wrapping my arms tightly around me, trying to stop myself from being able to breathe, being able to live. Words like these had fallen out of my mouth six months ago, but this time I had made the decision, not him.

He hangs his head, nodding, and I wish more than anything to know what's going on in his mind as Edward sulks over to the driver's side of the Maserati. "And I—" Edward brings his head up to look at me, his eyes taking in mine. "—Alice will come pick you up tomorrow."

"Right." I breathe out, trying to calm myself as he gets in the car, and quickly pulls out of the driveway without a second glance.

At that moment, I knew I'd never look at him the same. Somehow, I'd managed to break the vampire's heart. But he'd broken mine long before.

Sana's Note
God, the angst. I love it, you love it, Heather and Edward are magnets to it. But don't worry, they'll come to an understanding... somehow.