Faceless [H.S]

To Be A Woman Is To Perform. 28

"He fucked me. That night at the club, a month ago I think. He fucked me in an alley way." The words felt like poison in my throat, and I could feel both of their energies shift. Vivian's face twisted into resentment, the only time where I could see that she truly felt a bit of disloyalty from him. I didn't really know of their relationship, and I didn't want to. I wanted her to see he was a monster, but how could I do that when she was one, too?

"You called me worthless." I stated, my tone painstakingly calm. The words made me feel bitter, and the remembering of that night made me want to rip my skin off.

Was this all I was made for?

A life of being under men. A life of fighting to be understood. Valued. Is this all I am? Nothing?

I thought that I had gotten better. Confident. Powerful.

But I couldn't help but feel like that image... that persona was crumbling ever since Faceless came into my life.

Or was it never true to begin with?

Maybe deep down I was still that same little girl fighting to be heard and listened to, being taken advantage of by every man I came across. Just trying, fighting my whole life to be smaller, sexier, better. Make room for them. Don't try to overshadow them. Be quiet. Shut up and let them have their way. Let them abuse you. Find love through sex with them in hopes your worth is seen. And maybe, just maybe... you won't end up dead.

Say yes, never fight back.

I always thought men were garbage, but somehow I was always woven into them, and so I listened. Stuck and self aware of the self sabotage. In a vicious fucked up cycle.

Forever.

They say, to be a woman is to perform, and I've been performing my whole fucking life.

Harry was no better than every other man I had encountered. His lips pursed and he looked away, as if he wanted to say something but didn't. I didn't expect anything less from him. He was a coward.  And with him standing right in front of me, I could see every single man that abused me before him.

The reality is painful.

Men could get away with anything.

Harry could get away with anything.

"Was this all part of some plan?" I then asked, firmly. My hazy head was much clearer. I walked closer to him, so I could fully see his expression closer--see if I could see his skin crawl at my question. My blood boiled over.

"You-you wanted to just fuck me and get some cool points? Get revenge on Liam and fuck his ex?" I hissed in a mocking tone.

"No. Everything he did to you wasn't supposed to happen. This is... this is news to me," Vivian's tone was monotone but I could hear the underlying anger tangled in between the syllables. "I will deal with you later, Harry. My sister has enough on her fucking plate."

"So you can yell at me and not him?" I asked, laughing in shock. "You are unbelievable."

I felt that familiar painful feeling of betrayal, as if maybe I didn't really know my sister. I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt, I did--but as she was standing here right in front of me, I knew everything now... I wondered if I could look at her the same again. She had worked beside Harry, and Harry had tortured me for the last few weeks.

"No. I'm going to literally kill him." She said.

"Let's not do that," another voice spoke out. I jumped slightly, and then furrowed my eyebrows in anger.

"Is this a fucking party!?" I snapped, looking at the new figure entering my home. Once his mask was removed, I recognized it was the blonde who slept with Olivia and came to my job with Harry. "You have got to be fucking kidding me... get the fuck out."

Not one, not two--but three Faceless members were in my home. I rushed over to the window and closed it, closing the curtains and wiping my face. No one else was going to come in here.

"You want to make her home more of a target?" Vivian snapped. "Or are you all that stupid?"

"Fucking hell..." Harry grumbled. He walked toward my bed and stroked the sheets softly, as if it wasn't creepy.

"Hi, Valerie!" The blonde's tone was awfully chipper even under the circumstances we were in.

"Don't speak to me," I spat. "I want you all to leave."

"Can't do that, Vixen," Harry murmured. "But if it's of any importance... sorry."

His apology felt like empty words, and they made my stomach churn. "Fuck off."

"You're a fucking idiot, Harry," Vivian said. "This is not how the night was supposed to go. Niall, why the fuck are you here, too?"

"Yeah, I was supposed to get laid and go to bed. What the fuck are you guys doing here in the first place?" I placed my hands on my hips. Harry's eyes shot toward me, and Vivian looked at him as if she knew something I didn't.

I wanted to pester them, but I just had no energy.

"I'm here for something important, I swear." The blonde who was revealed to be Niall looked at the window and took a huff, digging into his pocket. He pulled out his phone, and Harry and Vivian huddled around it. I walked over and realized it was live footage, facing the front of my building.

"Installed this bad boy... and this bad boy."

The camera switched to my fire escape.

I blinked. "So, now I get to have you criminals watch me all day?"

"It's to be safe, my gal Val!" Niall tried to give me a fist bump and I stared at him, hard.

"Tough crowd, eh... anyway. It's to play it safe. I'm sorry to cut into your relationship therapy and family reunion, but Valerie's a target. Liam's little puppets have their eyes on her. Who knows what they could be planning? Or have planned already?"

The words were chilling.

"Viv, you said this would make her more of a target. She already is one, we have to play it safe. They could try and get in here, try to kill her, anything..."

Niall's tone was sincere, and it was almost refreshing. But, my chest still felt tight.

"Can I just get a fucking break?" I sighed, eyes closing. "I've been fighting for years. I'm so tired."

"I know, Valerie." Vivian murmured. She reached over hesitantly, and brought me to her shoulder. She was basically my height, so my head fell over as if it was instinct, and I lay my head on her. I wanted to cry again, but it wouldn't come out.

"I joined so you could be safe," she whispered.

And then she repeated herself again, weakly, "I joined so you could be safe."