Human Again

Train Wreck

Train Wreck by James Arthur:

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Kakashi's breath catches in his throat as his chest goes tight. His vision blurs and all sound is drowned out around him. The only thing he can see is the smudged figure of his Sensei walking away with a dead man in his arms. He fought and struggled against Kushina but she was not going to let him go. She was shouting something at him, he could hear it ringing behind his ear, but it was too muffled to make out. Minato's form soon disappeared into the crowd around the hospital.
"No!"
He screamed as he was pulled further away. When his legs went to move they crumbled under him and fell to the ground in Kushina's arms. His throat squeezed shut and he began to panic. He couldn't breathe, couldn't see, couldn't hear, his legs wouldn't even move. He was helpless in Kushina's lap. Helpless, just as he had been when his father died, when-... when Obito died. That day flashed before his eyes, blood surrounding him, the same as it did in that nightmare that he saw every time he slept. But he couldn't just wake up and it all go away. Not this time. The crimson color flickered on his hands like a broken tv screen. One minute there, the next gone, only to return again. It was so real. He could almost feel the stickiness of the blood soaked through his gloves to his skin. His clothes felt heavy as they were saturated. He kicked and screamed, attempting to crawl away from the red river that rose up around him.

"Ka-... shi!"
Like the flickering of his nightmare the sound of a voice echoed in broken words. It seemed to bounce off everything so as to trick him, he couldn't tell where it was coming from.
"Ka- Ka-... shi!"
It skipped again. A blur fluttered in front of him, it was odd, blending in with the horror but also the real world as well. It tripped out his psyche to a point that it hurt. The tears that stream down his face, absorbing into his mask, didn't help very much. Looking through them at his hands he desperately rubbed them on his pants, trying to get the blood to come off. Yet it seemed impossible.
"Kakashi!"
The voice was so loud it broke through the drumming in his ears, he was also shaken so hard his neck cracked. As his breathing slowed and his eyes zoomed into focus he met Kushina's deep blue eyes. She looked thoroughly concerned.
"Hey,"
She grabbed his face, turning it left and right.
"You with me?"
Putting a hand on his forehead she used her thumb to open his eyes a little wider, attempting to see if they were focused or not.

"I'm~ fine."
His voice croaked. Kushina was obviously not convinced as she continued to examine him.
"I said I'm fine!"
He finally snapped as all his senses returned. Jerking away from her he scuttled back further into the small alley. As his back hit a dumpster he stopped, pulling his knees into his chest he breath, trying to organize his thoughts in a way that made sense. Kushina stayed nearby. Crouching down out of the way of passer by's. There was silence between them, the sound of rubble and people shouting, along with Kakashi's uneven breath still vibrated through the air. Yet not a word was spoken by either of them. Until finally Kakashi's voice piped up. He did his best to sound firm, to hid the trembling of his vocal cords, but it was a struggle.
"How?"
Was all he could force out without bursting into tears again.

"We're not quite sure, yet."
She sighed.

A new rage bubbled under his skin.
"Why-... why didn't you tell me?"
Venom seethed through his teeth.

Resting her head against the stone wall behind her Kushina let a small groan escape her.
"It's complicated."

"Too complicated to tell even me? The one who was there? The one who saw it happen? The one who-"
His voice choked and he buried his face in his knees again. Kushina looked up, quirking a brow.

"Kakashi, I get it, really I do. I loved him too, I still do. We all do. And I know you're hurt..."
Chewing her cheek she pondered if it was right to say something like this to a child.
"But we're all hurt too! We all felt the pain of his death! We all cried for him! You weren't the only one weeping at his funeral! You're not the only one plagued by his death in your sleep! I know your in pain, but that doesn't give you the right to act like a-a-a, screw it, an absolute ass hat!"
The boy didn't dare look up at her, he knew she spoke truth, he had always known. Known that he was acting out of line, that he was speaking with the hatred he had for himself to the ones he loved, he knew. He just never wanted to admit it.