Human Again

Not Strong Enough

Not Strong Enough (Boygenius)

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The night sky was clear. Flicked with bright stars. The water of the deep, black lake rippled in the soft breeze that ruffled the trees all around. Out in the middle of nowhere. Far from the village Kakashi stood. He was knee deep. Cloak, kuni, headband, mask, and sandals all left on the shore. The only remains of him after tonight. He cleared out his apartment, burned everything in the fire that was now near embers under the trees behind him. He apologized to Kushina and Minato, or tried to. Had tried to speak to Rin but when he saw her he couldn't speak. He just stared. She wished him a good day and left. Good day— he hadn't had a good day since his father. That memory sent another tear sliding from his swollen eyes, down his splotchy cheeks.
He took another step. The small waves tugging at his legs. Attempting to pull him in faster. No. Not this time. He would go at his own pace this time. Kill himself as he was ready to. So he sunk his bare feet into the soft sand and stood a moment more.
What time was it? It was sunset when he came out here. Watched the sky turn so many colors as he started the fire and burned his belongings. None of them were important. He didn't have anything— anyone important. They had all be taken away from him.
He took another step. The water reaching his mid thighs. No not taken away he had pushed them away, away from himself and away from each other, he had no one to blame but himself. No one else to get angry at. No one to kill. No one to fight. It was him. He was the cause of all the pain they had endured.
He took another step. This one longer then the ones before. His father had killed himself to save Kakashi from the shame. Obito had killed himself because Kakashi was too stubborn to help him sooner. And now... now Obito was back, so broken, so in pain he couldn't even remember who he is. Kakashi had done that. He had broken Obito. In turn causing a new wave of pain to everyone near him. He was tired, so tired of all of this. Of trying, of being angry, or being sad, or crying, or—

The water broke behind him. Splashing around him as a small figure drew close. Till they stood side by side. Only inches between them. Kakashi did not turn to see who or what it was. Didn't care. Was far too tired to care. He stared out at the calm, dark lake.
"It's a beautiful night."
The voice was as soft as the breeze that kissed his stained face. He blinked a few times, his eyes burning. But did not speak, his voice was gone.
"I always loved the night. When everyone else is asleep I can finally find peace in the calm. It becomes quiet enough for me to hear my own thoughts."

"I..."
His voice broke.
"I don't understand."

"What do you not understand?"

From the corner of his eye he could see the figures head turn to him. So he turned too. Soft dark eyes met his. As clear and as full as the night sky above them. Pale skin glowing in the light of the full moon. Dark hair flowing, the wind sending ripples through it like the lake around them. The boy was small, thin and short. While the water only reached Kakashi's upper thigh this boy was sunk in down to his mid stomach. Yet he did not look afraid. Not of being pulled out and sucked under the current. Not of what Kakashi was going to do.
Did he even know what Kakashi was going to do?
"What you are doing out here."

"Ah, I was passing by and saw you. It is a lovely night and the water looked so cool and refreshing that I thought I would join you."
The boy took a deep breath and sighed it out.
"What are you doing out here?"

Kakashi's gaze drifted back out to the lake in front of him. What was he doing out here?
"I'm... here to end the pain of my friends— my family."
His voice was raspy and dry. Alcohol had been his only drink the past few days. The water he drank was few and far between. Neither helping the pounding of his head.

"Their pain? Or yours?"
The question was gentle. So, so gentle. In a way that made Kakashi lean closer to the boy. No words passed between them for a long moment. The breeze sang to them and the crickets chattered all around. The world around him was so alive, so why did he feel so dead? So empty?
"Do you like night time?"