Lotus - A Yearning Of The Soul.

A glimpse of her life

Helplessness- the word whose meaning I can't erase from my mind even if I want to. That's all I've felt my entire life. People could see the tough exterior, but it was only me who knew how helpless I was. I know how much it hurts to not be able to do anything whilst just watching a show, a show being made out of your own life; show for people to watch but not the one which streams on TV or online something, the one which is live for people to watch in reality. And I could see one of the similar situation I've been through in front of me being repeated. No matter how much ever I try I won't be able to shut down my feelings, I will go help them and end up being blamed for their pain. That's the thing on loop since 20 yrs.

Although I don't want to, but still I can't turn a blind eye to my family atleast not until am here, once I leave I ain't coming back nor am I gonna have any connections with my past. I just want to shut this chapter of my life forever, want them to be happy but it's not possible until am here so just a little extra time and I'll make everything perfect as it should've been since the start.

I was back from college and could see some of my relatives present in our house and my father complaining to them about my mom's and my behavior. He's just putting our lives on show for people to enjoy and he thinks they'll solve our problems, why would anyone solve your problems? it's you who has to do it for your own self nobody helps nobody cares. Not even your own parents.
He was just blaming mom for things she didn't even do and she was just listening to him because all these relatives are her inlaws and she doesn't want any drama but her patience is too low for her own good, I know she's gonna burst any moment and if she does each and everyone of them is going to blame her for the problems in our family. Seeing all this I couldn't stop a few tears. I wiped those but not before my father seeing them, he immediately replied saying "See she's crying now that her mother's being blamed and everyone is gonna know the truth how she is the reason behind everything."
 
I couldn't stop myself from speaking, that's something I've lost control of in these 3 years. Just one of the things I lost in these years. I started defending her because I know if she does he'll just play with words and trap her in her own words portraying her as the culprit. I couldn't let this happen not in front of so many people, this may be our daily routine but our problems are for us to deal with and not for others to enjoy.
"If you've done enough of the drama I don't want our guests to be annoyed by your daily ruckus. Please you could continue this tomorrow and we don't mind that but not now. " Saying this in an irritated tone I asked my mom to come with me and listening my words the guests changed the topic too asking my father to leave the same.

As it was soon going to be Dinner time, I asked my mom to prepare the meal and went to help her with the same. After an hour we were finished preparing the food and asked the guests and my Father to have their meals.

As the guests were done with their dinner they proceeded to leave and asked my father to leave all the grudges and start a new and fresh at least for the sake of us kids. He didn't utter a word. I knew what he was thinking.

-The past I wish to erase out of my life but cannot,the memories I wish to forget so bad still haunt me and I can do just nothing. Remembering them and crying alone has became my hobby since I left the house.

The incident Above is of 3 years ago. It's been two years I've left them but they are still a part of my life, I can't cut them out completely but it's still better I've distanced myself and I'm better. Coming out of my thoughts I heard a voice-

"Devanshi"
It was my bestie and my soul sister- Manasvi; Manasvi Shukla-She just landed here and see she is screaming on top of her lungs. I just love her. She is the most mature person, bold and smart too. Just not when it comes to me, she knows most of the things about me but not entirely. Every person in my life has a piece of myself to them and just that, there are boundaries I don't share with anyone, once it's done it will hurt me which I can't afford not after what I've already faced.

Getting away from the glass window I ran towards her, no matter how much reserved  I am with others, I am a kid when it comes to expressing myself either it's to the fullest or not at all. With her my excitement has no limits we are meeting literally after a year and I couldn't go to receive her cause of an important meeting- which I would've just cancelled if not for her strict orders. And Now we are engulfing each other into a hug, which could break both our ribs but we don't care, who does when you are meeting your bestie after a year. 

And just like that a few drops of tear fell from my eyes making her look at my face breaking the hug. I wiped those teardrops and smiled at her ear to ear saying " I missed you".

She just gasped and said" Common, Divs now don't say things like that I've a fiance I don't wanna cheat on! "
That's was enough to make me laugh. She knows how much of a cry baby I'm, I cry when sad, angry, happy, scared but hate it when can't control that in front of people. I hate showing my weakness to others. We both are drama queens if not for our respective careers, I'm sure we would've been great actresses. By the way she is a CA.(Chartered Accountant)

As it was 5 pm already, I decided to call it a day; like who's gonna stop me? Nobody can even if they want to as I'm the CEO.
Let me Introduce myself officially, Devanshi Rao,
23 yrs old, CEO of  The Rao Fragrances, a company I built from scratch and pursuing my Medical studies , in the second year.

I know you all have doubts 23 and still in 2nd year of MBBS how? You'll know eventually till then take care.!