A Lumen Ripple | An Elemental Story

Chapter 38 - My Everything (Finale)

"So here we are...

New home, a new life, on a whim, laid chest down on my bed with my legs kicked up in the air.

Not even a week later, and so much has changed.

I feel... wiser. I feel a bit stronger.

Elementopia brought many challenges. Good times? Yeah. Bad times? Oh- yeah. Opportunities to grow? You bet!

We had some real highs over here. Beautiful sights, talks, walks, and all sorts. I tear up just thinking about all the good times. But, there were moments when I thought I'd lost everything - my everything. 

Yeah, I guess it's cliche to think of him that way, but he changed everything. He makes the sun brighter when I look up at the sky. He makes the wind that little bit warmer when I walk outside. He makes my flames swirl in a certain way that no one else does. I am not the same person I was when we landed here, and quite a bit of that has to do with him.

But, as much as he was there for me, supportive as could be, there was one important thing I learned this past week...

What happens when he's not there?

Do I give up? I- I mean... at the start of this week, I had no doubt he'd be by my side - every step of the way. After all, he gave up everything just to be with me. I mean, sacrificing your life is the most honourable thing, is it not? Hah- believe me, I'd know! Joking aside, he put me first and made sure I was okay before even thinking about himself.

...and that's just it. I found out the hard way; he couldn't keep it up.

He just cracked, and it took me a bit to see it. And, look-- that's okay! Pobody's Nerfect, right? Haha! B- but seriously, once I realized, everything beforehand just made sense. The muddled, closed-off communication, the amount of tension when we were in a room together building with each passing day, everything. He was trying so hard to help me that he didn't leave enough energy for himself. Sometimes, he'd come home from work with such a forced smile that I couldn't see the pain behind it. But, like all pain, like all stress and trauma, it had to give. Where there's hope, there's also despair, huh? The true yin and yang, I guess- hehe.

If I'm being honest, it broke me. My heart just sank, right to the bottom of the ocean. There were times this past week when he was gone, and I felt so isolated. A- and it didn't feel like a regular lover's quarrel, it felt far deeper - like a part of me just wasn't there. I- I would try to solve it by talking with him about it, but he'd just sweep it to the side because... I think deep down he wanted to protect me because he knew how I'd react when I heard he wasn't okay. H- he didn't mean to ignore it - at least, I hope he didn't - but it was just mulled over like usual, until 'usual' became unpredictable and unruly. That just kept snowballing until, well...

I lost all control. There, I said it. All the negative thoughts self-doubt brings drove me insane. I let my temper win, and that is my biggest regret. I thought it was so selfish of him to just leave me at home alone while he had his solo adventure. There were times when I just couldn't understand what he was getting at because I was so-- mad. If I'm being honest, a part of me still is. 

But...

I didn't realise why he was going solo until it was far too late. We had our little fight and went our separate ways for a good day. And yeah-- I admit that I couldn't handle it, as much as I would have acted like I could. That's that Lumen pride sticking out again-- heh. But yeah-- of course it wouldn't last.

Ugh. Again, like time and time before, there he was - practically turning the city on its head just so he could find me. He really didn't need to go through all that trouble, especially considering the night prior. But, by the Eternal Flame, he showed up on that beach when I needed him most.

Who am I to take that for granted? He showed me what it is to trust, to have faith in someone who may have more in you than you do yourself. He threw everything out of the window to come save me, when I couldn't even save myself, and do you know what? If I'm being honest... I'm ashamed. I'm ashamed that I couldn't even get out of it. I- but what was I supposed to do? I- I felt so numb! Over a flamin' water guy! I, ugh-

. . .

After we got home from the police station, we sat the Sea-Nears down and did the whole spiel about what happened. Everything from my meltdown to Wade's depressed streak, the whole running away from home thing, putting ourselves in danger, all of it. We wanted it communicated as clearly as possible so that we could alleviate their worries. If I'm being honest, they handled it far better than I'd imagined. They simply sat on it for a moment, and the room was afire. Our emotions were on raw display, the butterflies in our stomachs were there, everything.

On the subject of that sitdown with the Sea-Nears, after all the apologies and whatnot, Wade gave us a bit of a bombshell. Apparently, Phil gave him the bright idea to try his hand at therapy. Honestly, I'm not really surprised he'd light up at something like that. He's always so caring and compassionate to literally anybody he meets, in a healthy way. I just worry that he's confident enough in himself to take others' emotions well. Alas, it's a path for him to pursue, and that makes me so proud.

. . .

Speaking about pride, I'm back at Aquatecture next week. I don't know how Lin and Phil pulled that whole swindle - especially considering what happened at the exam - but I'm grateful they tried it just for me. Do I have regrets about what happened that day? Yeah. Do I feel bad getting away with it? Oh, flame- you have no idea. But am I going to make the most of the opportunity I've been given? Doubly so. This next tenure at Aquatecture is going to look a lot different. No more doubting my abilities, and thus, no more higher-ups blabbering in my ear about said abilities- haha! It's easy riding from here on out, hey?

...yeah, I didn't think so either. As much as I hate to admit it, I have this underlying feeling that there's something far worse waiting around the corner. But, honestly, there are far better things waiting, too. I mean, isn't life supposed to take you on these wild rides? It doesn't matter if it's years, months, days, or even hours long, and the thought of that...

I'm warming up to it. Yeah, I am.

Now, I know what you're going to say. 'Oh, aren't you warm to everything?' To that, I humbly request that you take a twig, and throw it into a pond somewhere!

...wow! A- angry Ember, at it again! S- sorry. I'm getting all worked up again-- heh. Maybe anger management therapy was a good idea?

I'm getting ahead of myself-- the point is, not everything is gonna go to plan, and the only constant is change. I know that now. There's gonna be more good times and more bad times. The good may be better, and the bad may be worse. But, the only thing I fear at the moment; is missing the chance to live a fulfilling life.

There's been too many times where I've just - ugh... I've gotten in my own way, to nobody else's detriment but my own. So, that idea of expressing your feelings instead of fearing them is where I find happiness in life at the moment. I could have just stayed complacent; I could have owned Dad's shop by now, but I didn't. I could have just declined the invitation to create a whole life for myself, but I didn't. I could have wallowed in my feelings of depression and worthlessness, but I didn't. Not one bit, because I'm done with feeling like I should stay in my spot. I should be moving forward in my life, and dang it, that's exactly what I'm doing.

I'm not one to look back on my journey to where I am now, but since I tried it... I'm grateful. I wouldn't change a thing. What's done is done. There's nothing I can do to change the past - not that I would anyway because now I like the thought of growing from mistakes. That's what's gotten me this far, right? I- I feel I've earned where I am now, and that the last week was just a test to ease into the Elementopia life.

We should leave it at that, and look forward to the future. Because that... that's exciting.

. . .

Although I would have said the contrary not a day ago...

I really am the luckiest flame in the world."

THE END