Dear Alice

Midnight.

Dear Alice,

It's midnight, and the world of daylight with its droning noise and busy bustle has taken refuge under a cold and velvety dark cloak. It is only I and the darkness that's awake - or at least so it seems.

But never mind that.
I have decided to write you a letter, or a few about the things I never dared to say out loud.

I've lost you - correction - I've never had you, and for my sin of silence I was banished to an eternal purgatory of uncertainty. You never got me, but then again, I was always shy and introverted. I was hoping that my actions would speak louder than words. I was hoping that my thoughtful attendance to your every need would make you see me. I was sadly mistaken, I should have spoken up.

Is that what all girls want?
A boy who suffers from verbal diarrhea?
Well, I was never that boy, never could be, and because of that, you moved on. Moved on to someone who could fulfill that need.

The thing that has held me back for years, is the one thing that terrifies the best of men, and that is that we don't discuss our feelings.

Ever…

It's not what we do.

We would rather walk over hot coals, swim through a sea of piranha, get into a bullfight, but we don't talk about the things that matter. But I'm done with keeping it in, I'm done with the boys don't cry creed. I want to stop the rat of remembrance from eating out the rest of my heart. There's almost nothing left.
My soul has become anemic because of the heavy blood loss and it is my sincere wish that these letters would provide a stopgap.

I seek redemption.

I want peace.

I want to break these invisible chains of a one-sided love that is leading nowhere.
I'm ready to walk through the valley of the shadow of death.

If only I can sleep at night.

Leo Alexander

~°~

Thank you for reading, commenting, and voting. Much appreciated.