for my unaware arsonists

your eyes spoke loud

I always thought your smile was the sweetest.
Hurts to know it was never real.
I always liked the crease by your eyes when you grinned.
But today I finally learnt what hides within them.
And as much as your cynicism would love to second guess my words, I want to say this-
It really hurts me that you struggle so much, alone.

In the farthest corner of the room,
Sunk down deep in the chair,
The collar of your pullover hiding your dry lips,
Fumbling with your hands..
As you tried to phrase your struggles..
Your eyes spoke.
Louder than ever.
That's how I knew.

Staring at the ceiling at home, zoning out
Battling with your inner demons,
Flipping through the past,
stroking the daggers it holds against your mind
Letting them command you to bottle up your feelings
And lock them away in some hideous cabinet lined with cobwebs
And chain it with barbed wires..
Did you know a drop of all that was spilt?
While you tried to numb all those voices in your head, towering, unwavering..
And it seeped through your eyes for a moment
And lingered heavily in your hushed words and the silence after.

Putting up a facade when you're out, trying hard
Trying hard to blend in
Afraid things will go south, like those times,
Afraid you'll get hurt again,
You hesitatingly shake their hands,
Making sure your back faces the walls..
All of that while miraculously managing to flash
The kindest smile ever..
So no one would know a thing.
It's for the better, you thought.

But brother, be real, have you healed?
It's been years, have they stopped chasing you down?
Have you let go, and chose to be free
And maybe, hopefully, happier?
Your eyes whisper sadly, "no".

You see, as time flies by, people change.
All those who had fun haunting you in the past,
They probably repent now, time can be a cruel master.
They're just afraid to say it out loud.
Or they may not know where to find you now.
You've shifted realms, to places..
Places more challenging, places that make you grow.
You're stronger now, no need for their closure.
But forgiving them, letting them go wouldn't make you weak.
Only give you some peace.

I hope you can stop bottling things up,
And fling away all those cabinets and wires..
And just…be yourself.
I am sure there'll be better people around,
Willing to share your burdens too
Without letting it weigh things down.
Time can be a kind healer too.