Archie, Darling. A Queer Romance

Archie, Darling. Part 9

23

Text From Ollie:

Archie, man.

I'm not good with words and I don't know how to say what I want to say. I hope you can listen anyways.

I'm really worried about you. Kane says his sister found you on some dating app and you're going around saying you're non-binary? Listen man, I know you're bit off-beat and I think that's one of the best things about you; but I think you've gotten yourself turned around. I don't care if you like boys, or girls, or chickens for fucks sake, you're a man. All of this stuff about other genders, is just bullshit man. It's not natural, and it's all crap you've been fed by those mates of yours. There's nothing wrong with being a man, it's not shameful.

I think maybe I wasn't there for you as a kid. I should have stepped up when dad left but I didn't. Dani did a good job of being there for you but man, she doesn't always get things right. I know you look up to her but she's got her own issues and I think some of that rubbed off on you.

Let's hang out soon, I want to talk.

---

Jesus Christ. What have I just read. I don't even know where to begin with that. Not only does he not support me, he's saying that I'm sick? He's saying that this is because I'm ashamed of being a man? That this is because dad left and Dani stepped into his role? I didn't expect him to understand but this is worse than I was prepared for. I don't even know how I'd start explaining things to him. It's like he has absolutely no base knowledge of this stuff. His sister is married to a woman!! Not to mention the irony that Kane's sister had to have had her settings set to include "non-binary" people in her dating app. Pretty gay thing to do, if you ask me. Also, fucked that she told Kane!

God. I hate having to deal with shit like this, I don't insert myself into Ollie's business uninvited, but he seems to think he has a free pass into mine! I know he means well. I know he's coming from a place of love, but my god he is butchering it. I need to think how I'm going to respond. I want him to understand, I'd love him to understand. At the end of the day though, I don't need him to. I just need him to accept me and love me.

To Ollie:

Hey man,

You don't need to worry about me. I know this is all really new and you don't understand, and I get that, but I need you to know that I am happy: I have an amazing friend group and none of this is because of shame or because of dad. Also, please don't talk about Dani like that, that's really cruel; her and Lea have been huge supports for me lately. I don't need you to understand right now, I just need you to trust me and to love me regardless. I'm happy to explain a bit about my identity but I'm not going to debate its validity.

Love Archie

24

I stand in front of the mirror holding an outfit in each hand. In the left, is a cute yellow tartan dress, in the right, is a really nice pair of dungarees I made myself. I can't pick which one I want to wear. I have been dressing more femme and enjoying it, but sometimes I feel like I have to lean toward the more gender-bendy option. I have this narrative in my head which tells me I need to "seem" like an Enby all the time. I feel sort of pressured to perform the identity. I know that's not logical, Enbies look however the hell they want. I pick the dungarees. I'm less nervous now. I've talked more with the couple I'm meeting and they've been pretty clear with me that they aren't just looking for a one-night stand. I was pretty upfront with them and told them I'm happy for whatever sort of connection happens, but I don't want to just be an experiment for them.