Archie, Darling. A Queer Romance

Archie, Darling. Part 4

10

I've got my leg iced and elevated. The swelling isn't as bad as I expected, it still hurts but I think it'll be alright. I'm on YouTube, watching videos about being non-binary. This is what I do when I'm interested in something. I can spend hours hyper-focusing on one topic and learning everything there is to know about it. I prefer YouTube and podcasts cos I can do other stuff while I listen. I'm not so good at sitting down with a book and consuming information that way. Alas, tonight I am couchbound. The person on screen is very alternative; they have bright blue hair; A septum piecing intersects a thin nose which curves down at the tip. In the background is a bookshelf organised by colour.

By colour. Who does that??

"Non-binary identities have existed in almost all cultures throughout history. It's only recent centuries that have seen colonial powers oppress and erase them. The existence of three or more genders has been acknowledged by groups of first nations people in America, India and many other countries."

"It all comes back to white supremacy, doesn't it," I say to the person on the screen.

"In cultures which have historically accepted three or more genders, these third-gendered people are often described as being the teachers and knowledge holders of their groups," the youtuber explains. While I'm listening to this, I'm working on embroidering a patch for my jacket. It's another hobby that I often return to intermittently. This one is a honey bee perched on a vulva with a banner that says "Sweet Nectar." It's crass but I find it funny. There's something enjoyable about doing an old person's hobby with a young person's humour. I'll not be showing my grandma this one. On another video, a transwoman describes her experience with gender. She had spent a year identifying as non-binary before coming to the realisation she was Transfeminine.

"Six months after I came out as non-binary, a friend asked me if I'd still be non-binary if I was born a woman. I realised the answer was no." She explains that she had begun to realise that identifying as non-binary was a means to allow herself to explore gender. Once she did that, once she freed herself entirely from the expectations of being "a man," she realised what she really wanted. I find this a bit stressful to think about, it makes it sound like it's a gateway drug or something.

"Don't experiment with the binary kids, it'll turn you trans," I can imagine the ads saying.

"That's not everyone's experience though," she continues, "Some people happily, and accurately, identify as non-binary and that's who they are." As she talks, I apply the lens to my own experiences. I really don't think I've ever actively seen myself as a man, I've just been myself. In fact, I know I feel weird whenever someone comes up and says something like, "Archie, just the man I was looking for." Like... no? I'm the person you were looking for. The world would be simpler if gender didn't exist.

"For a lot of transwomen, they find they related strongly to female characters in films," she says. Ah heck, this is relatable. I used to love Matilda as a kid, along with Pippy long-stocking and Harriet the spy. I used to see myself in them; Strong, unashamed and brave. I saw myself as more of a tom-boy than a boy, I reckon that's pretty normal though. The videos feel sort of affirming; I feel like, if I wanted, I have options. It's nice to know that there are other people who think deeply about who they are and that there are also people who feel similarly to me.

I listen to another few videos as I sit on the couch. There's a lot to watch and some of them aren't great. There's one youtuber who, despite being trans, creates videos decrying the "Evils of the trans agenda." I stay away from her videos but watch a number of videos about her. Many of them talk about how she is siding with the Alt-Right in the hopes that she will be "accepted by conservative people." It's as though she has decided that in order to "pass" she needs to mimic the hatred that they spout. I feel sorry for her. One youtuber also hosts a podcast called "Gender Pirates," where they talk about Trans identities and the queer community. I pick one titled "Non-Bina-Me??"