Archie, Darling. A Queer Romance

Archie, Darling. Part 11

26

I'm exhausted. Ollie just doesn't listen; because I'm the youngest, he has it in his head that he has to treat me like a kid or something. Do you know how often he has called on me to help him out? I've had to teach him how to do his damn taxes before. He is a man-child and yet he treats me like a kid. He doesn't permit me any autonomy; he steps into my life whenever he wants and yet I'm not allowed any opinions on what he does. I'm honestly at my wits end with him. Jay was right in a lot of ways. I don't think he's going to educate himself on this; he's too far gone and believes he's right.

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"Hey bug, are you home?" Mary's message says.

"Yep, why, what's up?" I reply.

"I've got something for you."

"Maaaary, whaaat?"

"Nothing! I'll be over in a minute." When I open the door, she is standing with a huge grin on her face. I can see some sort of plastic bag behind her back but she's hiding whatever it is.

"Close your eyes," she says in a serious tone, "no peaking."

"Oh god, what have you got?" I ask, closing my eyes warily.

"Ok so, don't be mad, and yes, I know it's late notice." I hear her walking inside and I blindly turn to follow her.

"Mary." I hope she hasn't bought anything expensive. She has a history of being a chaotic gift giver, I suspect she's ADHD herself.

"But I was in Myer the other day and it's perfect and I had to." I hear the plastic ruffling and falling to the floor. I open my eyes; she is holding a floor length green gown made of satin. She is beaming.

"Do you like it!!" she explodes.

"Oh, holy shit," I say, taking the dress in my hands.

"Archie it's so you!!" she says, bouncing up and down on the spot. I hold it up in front of me, speechless. It's a drop waist dress, it has a halter neck which crosses over at the back. It's beautiful. I feel my eyes starting to well up but I hold it back, I can't wear it.

"Mary I," How do I turn her down? She must have spent a small fortune on it.

"Shh! you don't have to wear it but you have to hear me out," she says, walking past me to the couch. She looks at me expectantly.

"Mary, I can't," I say, sitting beside her, the dress in my lap. I don't have the words to explain to her the battle my mind is waging. This is everything I've wanted and also the very thing I do not want.

"Archie, darling," she says, putting a hand on my knee. "Please listen to me. This is my wedding. I want you there as you, as the real you," she says sincerely, drilling into my heart. I fiddle anxiously with the dress. The satin is soft in my hands, it's gentle against my bare legs. It makes me feel soft. It makes me feel... I don't know. I wipe a tear from my eyes. I can't meet her gaze as she talks to me.

"Bug, so often you are brave and strong. Let me help you be those things now, try it on?" she says softly, a hand on my shoulder. Sometimes Mary knows me better than I know myself, she catches me out on all of my doubts before I even raise them. If there's anyone who could convince me to wear a dress to a wedding it's her. I search her eyes; they are wide and full of empathy and love. I can feel her screaming at me in her head Archie if you do not listen to your heart so help me God, I will kill you

"Ok," I say.

"YES! YES YES YES!" She shouts, slapping my thigh hard. I walk to my bedroom and close the door. I take a moment to collect myself and breathe deeply. I'm just trying it on, it's fine. I get undressed. Standing in front of the mirror, I hold it up to my body. I can do this, it's just a dress. It's just a dress and I can always say no later. I pull it down over my head, Mary has somehow found the perfect size. I smooth the creases and feel it conform to my body. A minute passes before I'm able to look in the mirror. I feel a finality to it, like I will see something I can't unsee, like I will want something I don't want to want. I don't know if I'm ready for that. I look in the mirror. Tears fill my eyes and I begin to sob.