Archie, Darling. A Queer Romance

Archie, Darling Part 2

4

Diary entry

Hey, time for an update. I'm trying to make sure I write in here semi-frequently, I want to be able to look back and this period of my life and know what I was thinking, what I was feeling. I'm hoping it will help me feel like I'm more balanced than I give myself credit for?

Ellie and I messaged a lot today. I had a lot of questions about her version of Ethical-Non-Monogamy and she had a lot to say. I wanted to understand it better so that I could see how I felt about it. I definitely want to see her again, but only if ENM is going to work for me. Otherwise, I'd be going down a self-destructive path. I am in a better place, mentally, than the last time I was non-monogamous, and I figure that counts for something.

She explained to me that some people who are ENM have a primary partner and then secondary partners. Others, like her, don't have a primary partner and treat each of their partners as equally important. Important is a funny word to use here, maybe it's not the right word. In the first type of ENM, it's not as if the secondary partners aren't important, time is just given to each partner in a hierarchical fashion. In other words, the primary comes first... As the name would suggest.

Honestly? It actually sounds pretty good. From a personal perspective I think having the option of seeing other people will allow me to explore myself more. Plus, it will help me relax about relationship expectations; knowing that she can see other people. I don't have to worry about committing to anything long term, or trying to be her "everything" Not that she's asking for that anyway. In the past I have tried too hard to provide people with everything they need, I end up overextended and tired.

We messaged back and forth and came up with a few ground rules for if we continue seeing each other. Acknowledging of course that it is early days.

The rules are as follows

· We both regularly get STI checks.

· We both use appropriate safe sex options (Condoms at a minimum).

· We let the other person know if we are going on other dates.

· We are welcome to discuss the other dates with each other if either of us wants to, but it's not required.

All in all, I feel pretty good. I've thought about what she had said, about not wanting to lock people into a relationship when you can't provide them everything they need. I've come to realise that this journey I am on is going to be a long one and I'm really not sure how I will feel in a years' time, or what sort of social energy I would be able to dedicate to people. I've told her as much too. It feels like a good way to have explore while making sure no one gets hurt. I've added ENM to my tinder bio.

Anyways, my god, that night with her was amazing. I. Fuck. I've done dom/sub stuff before but I don't do the sub side of things. Like, I've explored it a bit in the past, but it's always felt like a bit of an act. It's been like trying on an ill fitted coat: I can wear it but it's a bit uncomfortable and you can tell be looking at me that it doesn't fit right. But with Ellie... something in the way she talked to me.... It's like she drew me into a submissive headspace. She called me "good boy" and I fucking melted. She didn't sound patronising, or cutesy. She sounded warm, she sounded enticing. With that one phrase, she drew me in and made me weak. I'll be burning this diary at some point in the future haha. No way I'm letting anyone read this. I was thinking about her tonight and, uh, I found some porn... like... Fem-dom stuff. Not like leather and whips and slaves and stuff... Soft femme domme stuff, like... porn where the woman calls the guy a "good boy."

Anyways, enough of that. This evening, I matched with Avery. Their bio was pretty minimalist:

"24, Enby, Whadjuk Warrior. Let's do something cute, grab a drink, help a grandma cross the street, defund the cops". They sent me a message saying "BEES?" (One of my tinder photos is me standing next to my beehives)