What if...? Book One, Part 2: The Game Begins...(A Peter Pan rewrite, by Jae)

20- Nightmares...

What happened on this day was impacting enough to take over my night. My dreams consumed with what I've felt today. I send myself to my bed sooner than the rest. Pan became just another boy in the room full of boys after leaving me on the balcony of the big front room. I couldn't care, though. I was too determined to think over everything that happened today. I wanted to be alone to pick my brain apart, my day apart. So to my room I go, turning away from the front room and into the dark, maze hallways.

Alright, do the thing. I tell the second voice in my head, since she managed to navigate through the halls this morning.

You do it.

How.

Just think about the room.

I close my eyes at the dark hallway.

Stay relaxed.

I breathe out and I picture my torn blankets, my ripped sheet. The broken dresser and fluff mess of the entire room. The cold and forever opened window directly across the entrance and the smaller door to its right. Another breath and then I open my eyes to the room given to me. I stand in front of the open door. The room I so ungratefully tore to shreds sitting quietly behind the threshold. I walk in slowly, trying to find a sense of home or maybe comfort, trying to convince myself that this is mine. Over to the mattress, away from the forever open window that leaks a cold, cold air to flush my room, I walk.

I stop to put the lamp back where it belongs, on my night stand then walk the room to replace everything back where it should be. I put all the drawers back into the beaten apart dresser and the trunk back into the closet. I pick up what's left of the pillows that were gifted to me and put them on the head of the mattress. Then the ripped sheets and the torn open quilts. I make the bed with the pieces left over and crawl inside of it. Having to curl up to be covered completely by the ripped quilts.

The bed is cozy, it's warm. I lay for hours, the night crawling on and on, longer and longer as I just think of my entire day. Too much to recall to sleep, too much to go over to drift off. I wish I could write down the stops my train of thought kept making and riding passed before I forget any of it. From waking up to fuzzy bugs all the way to fighting pirates and then ending the night on a new note with Pan. A note of him possibly saving me, though he's done it about four times today I'm nearly certain it's all set up. There's so much, too much to keep track of.

Did Pan plan every last event?

Did he make sure I had no weapon on the pirate ship so he could give me one when I needed it most?

Could he have really shown me how to fly just so he could catch me from falling to my death?

Or was it just so he could take it away and give it back whenever he says so?

Did he make sure to save me from the Mermaids to mess with my head?

Was the whole Slightly thing just abuse or did Pan set that up?

Why would he set up something so fucked?

Is it because I denied his help of flight after the Treasure Hunt?

Is he really that petty?

Would he really stoop so low?

When sleep did come, it was not welcomed.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Again, I'm flying. Over the mountains of Neverland I can see every valley and spring and forest that I saw earlier today. Still so vivid in my memory, I won't ever forget my first flight over Neverland. I fly free, no Pan under me to keep me airborne, just me and my happiness. The sun is warm on my skin, I feel like I belong somewhere, finally. I couldn't stop smiling even if I wanted to.