Belonging - an adopted by Hamilton sequel

August 6th 2027: Finding out

[A/N: Hiya! This is the second part of the last chapter, so read that before going into this one. This chapter also has mentions of OCD, panic attacks and throwing up. If that is something that triggers you, please don't read💛]

August 6th 2027

Just under twenty minutes after Sepi had hung up, I heard a knock. I practically ran to the door, carefully unlocked it and opened it. Sepi was standing several steps away, but right in front of my door stood a small paper bag from a nearby pharmacy.
I kneeled down and took it.
As I stood up again, I looked at Sepi.
She was watching me worriedly.
But she also looked scared.
Only then did it occur for me how much it must have taken for her to get herself here.
I could still be sick, and she knew that.
Which meant that she could get sick.
I could only imagine what was going on in her mind at the moment.
"I got a few different ones. Just in case", she said, her voice quiet.
"Th-thank you", I replied, still feeling shaken by the situation.
"Sorry I'm standing over here-", Sepi began to say, but I just shook my head. We both knew I understood.
"I love you", I told her, looking straight at her as we stood several feet apart. "Thank you for coming"
She shook her head, as she smiled to the side.
"You don't have to tell me what it says", Sepi assured me, and I could hear her voice shake. "And remember that it'll be okay. Whatever it says"
She smiled at me a little sadly, and I smiled back, a little strained.
We waved goodbye at each other.
She began to walk down the stairs.
I closed my door behind me, to then lock it over and over and over until it felt right.
I held the paper bag tightly against my chest, while I quietly went over to the kitchen.
As I stood by the kitchen counter, I started to take the tests out of the bag and I realised that my hands were shaking.
I lined them up, and then quickly but carefully read the instructions of each and every one of them. The papers were shaking, as I held them tightly in my hands. My thoughts grew louder in the back of my mind, but the words printed on the instructions made them slightly quieter.
For a while, I just stood there and looked at them, all lined up. Sepi had in total bought 10 tests. Some were different types or brands, some of the same. We both liked to be absolutely sure. This was no exception.
I tried to take a deep breath in order to collect myself, however my hands were still shaking.

Despite how much I feared this, I really needed to do this. I really needed to.

Almost compulsively, I began to drink enormous amounts of water.
Glass after glass.
I felt like throwing up from the start, but the nausea only grew by the litres I poured into my body.
Somehow I managed to push the feeling away. I had to.
In order to do that, I was tapping and blinking continuously, determined that I was going to manage.
I need to manage this, I kept on telling myself. I have to manage.
However horrible it made me feel.

About half an hour later, I sat on the familiar, cold, bathroom floor again. Like I had done every day for the past few days.
My heart was pound out of my chest as I played the waiting game.
I felt unable to move, but I was still tapping.
Still blinking.
I had the tests lined up on the edge of the bathtub in a perfect row.
I stared at them. In a way, they seemed unreal. Probably because I had never even imagined myself using one. In my head, it was a thing that others did; in movies; in books. Not something that I'd ever do.

One by one they showed the result, and as soon as they did, I moved my eyes to the next one in line.
Just quietly hoping that it would maybe, maybe, show something else.

But when none of them did, I stopped.
I completely stopped for a couple of minutes.
And so did everything around me. But I still knew that the world kept spinning.
Even if I didn't.
I didn't tap.
I didn't blink.
I barely breathed.
I just looked at them, in disbelief.