Belonging - an adopted by Hamilton sequel

19th of April 2021: Meeting up

19th of April 2021

A couple of days later, I was stood in a park near my dorm. I had my trusty tote bag over my shoulder, filled with everything for every possible situation. The weather had just started to become a little warmer, and for the day I had picked a light denim jacket instead of my coat. Dom was biking the way here here, because I wasn't ready to go on the subway yet, while I was also trying to avoid crowded spaces. And if we were going to meet up, we had said that we were going to try and avoid crowds as much as we could.

Just as I was about to look for my phone to see what time it was, I could see Dom coming around the corner on his bike. He lit up as he saw me, and lifted his hand to wave at me. I waved back, smiling beneath the mask.
He hopped off a bit away from me, and I could see that his glasses had fogged up from the mask he was wearing.
"Hi!", he said as he walked up to me. It felt weird seeing him in person, and not over the phone.
"Hi", I said, suddenly feeling shy about the situation. "I love your helmet", I added to try and sound more confident, as I realized that he was wearing the helmet he had leant to me all those summer's ago when he'd tried to teach me how to ride a bike. He cracked a laugh, and took it off.
"I left mine at Syracuse, so I have Mom's helmet and Dad's bike", he explained, while gesturing towards the bike as he carefully locked it to the bike rack by the entrance of the park. As he looked up at me, he noticed my tapping hands. My heart rate instantly went up. "How are you?", he asked me.
I instantly pulled my hands away from each other, and put them around my back instead.
"I'm alright", I replied. "You?"
Dom nodded, and from the shape of his eyes, I could see that he was smiling. But he was still keeping an eye on my tapping hands.
"Yeah, I'm good", he replied, still keeping his distance from me, like we had agreed upon. "You can tap if you want. I don't mind", he assured me.
I shook my head, looking away.
"Sorry for being so blunt", he added. "I just feel like you've been hiding your routines every time I've seen you lately"
There was some truth to that statement.
I had been. Actively.
Part of me could still feel Sam's eyes on me.
And his voice telling me to stop.
"I-I'm not", I replied, though I was lying. "Do you wanna walk for a bit, or sit down? I brought a picnic blanket if you did", I said, trying to change the direction of the conversation.
"We can walk for a bit and find a spot?", he suggested, and to my relief, he didn't go any further with the other topic of my routines. Like always, he had his camera hanging over his shoulder in a leather strap.
I nodded, and we started walking.
"Have you taken any good pictures lately?", I asked him.
"Yeah!", he excitedly said, like he always did when it came to photography. "I got such a great one of Flo yesterday when she opened her presents-"
I gasped, cutting him off.
"No, don't say I forgot that it was her birthday! That's why you're home-", I exclaimed, suddenly feeling bad about having forgotten her birthday.
"Well, I couldn't miss her thirteenth birthday, could I?", he laughed, not putting much thought into it.
"She's actually a teenager. Wow", I told him, looking out into the blue.
"Tell me about it", he replied with a laugh.
"How is she?", I asked him, turning my head towards him. I knew she'd been at a check up lately, because he had mentioned that he had been feeling stressed about it. He looked back at me, his eyes bright, and I knew that he had good news.
"She's actually alright", he began to reply. "It's always up and down, but as of last week, she's been cancer free for two years", he proudly said.
"That's great, Dom", I told him. He nodded.
"I'm just glad that she gets to be a teenager. However annoying she might be", he explained, and I could hear that there was relief in his voice. He stopped walking for a second. "This seems nice, do you wanna sit down?"
I nodded, in relief.
Walking with him made my daily excursions slightly easier.
But I had been fighting every little thought in my head since going out the door.
He helped me lay out the picnic blanket on the grass, and then we sat down across from each other, still keeping our distance. He pulled out two small packets of crisps.
"Like always", I said, as he offered one to me.
All those years ago, he had promised me that he would bring me something small to eat, everytime we saw each other. It was mainly because I hadn't eaten a lot during that time. And the first time we had seen each other in person this year, he had brought something. Like it wasn't even a question.
"I'm a man of my word", he said, shrugging his shoulder. It was a packet of salted crisps, the plainest ones you could ask for. But he had remembered that I loved them.
Dom opened his packet, while I carefully put mine down next to me.
I looked out over the park.
As it was a Sunday, there were loads of people walking around.
But everyone was being cautious, and kept an eye out for each other.
"It's strange...", I began to say. "To see New York like this. I wonder if it's ever going to go back to the way that it was", I continued, referring to the pandemic.
"Yeah", Dom agreed with me. "But NYC always bounces back"
I shrugged my shoulders.
"I guess", I said, looking down.
"Or what do you think?", he asked me.
I shrugged my shoulders, thinking about how, or if, I was going to say it. Then, I glanced at him, and began to speak.
"Y'know, sometimes I think that the pandemic made people experience, even just for a fraction of time, how it is to be in my head-", I explained, but soon falling quiet, as I saw Dom's eyes looking at me, trying to understand.
"What do you mean?", he asked me.
"Like being scared of getting sick, because the sickness had suddenly become more real for them. For someone with that type of OCD, that fear of getting sick has pretty much always been that real", I replied, and Dom nodded.
I looked out over the park again, and I could also see some people that weren't being cautious.
"And then I don't think that. Because after a while it doesn't seem like a threat to them. They'll go into a store without a mask, or go to a club, because they don't find it scary anymore. While Sepi is stuck at home, unable to go outside because she's so afraid of getting sick", I continued to say, as I looked down at my hands. I had started to tap in the pattern I just kept coming back to after all these years. "So maybe. For some it might. For some it might not"
I kept my head down. I hadn't intended on telling him that, of getting deep. But I had.
"I'm sorry about Sepi", he said. "I haven't really talked to her, since, y'know", he continued to say, referring to our break up, and I nodded.
"She's getting better", I told him, still avoiding his glance.
"How are you, then?", Dom asked me for the second time. I looked up, in surprise. I realised that he had noticed how I was tapping harder and harder.
"I'm okay", I replied and moved my hands away from where he could see them, in an attempt to try to avoid the subject. I tapped, but tried to make it less obvious, just in case. "You?", I sent the question back towards him.
He nodded. But I don't think he believed me.
"I'm alright. I'm glad to see you-", he said, and when he said that, he seemed to remember something, as he reached for his backpack. "And I have your birthday present!", he exclaimed, smiling, as he fished it out of his backpack and handed it to me.
It was nicely wrapped in some green tissue paper, and he had put a pink ribbon around it. Hesitantly, I took it, and I could feel myself blushing.
"Thanks", I replied, looking at it.
"No problem", he told me. I began by undoing the ribbon, and then carefully unwrapping the tissue paper in order to unveil a vintage, well-read, book of sewing patterns. From the cover, I could see that it probably had been published sometime in the 40s.
"Wow", I said, as I carefully opened the book. All the pages were still intact, with beautiful illustrations of the many garments. I looked up at Dom. "Thank you. Where did you find this?"
Dom smiled with his eyes, and I knew he was grinning behind the mask. He loved giving gifts.
"I saw it in the window of a vintage shop a couple of weeks back, and I thought of you", he told me, and I could see that his cheeks were getting red as he said it.
"Thank you", I repeated, still in awe as I continued to flip through the pages. "If I could hug you, I would- Really Dom, I love it", I continued to say.
Part of me was surprised that he had thought of me.
And that he had actually got me a gift.
"And really Rue, it's no problem. It just made me think of you", and as he said that, the words made me look up. "It seems like I can't keep my mind off of you", he added, his voice warm and even a little hesitant. He cracked a laugh, turning his head down. He was blushing.
He sounded nervous. He rarely did.
I smiled at him, nervously, too.
His words felt real, and they made me feel scared.
Even though I had talked to Emily about it just two days ago.
And Sepi yesterday.
"Dom-", I began to say but I wasn't sure where I was going, while carefully putting the book down on the picnic blanket. Part of me maybe just wanted to interrupt, and steer the conversation another way.
Dom shook his head. He didn't let me go on, and instead, cut me off.
"Ever since we ran into each other again, I haven't been able to stop thinking of you. I think of you all the time, Rue. Your voice, your smile, how you laugh at my jokes even when they're not funny-", he said, now looking up at me. "And I feel like I have to say that. It's been a privilege to have you back in my life, and I completely understand if you don't want to go on, because we broke up and that's fine and I will respect that if you want to keep it that way", he paused for a second. My heart rate had gone up. I was tapping harder. Even blinking. "Because you're my best friend. And when we broke up, I lost you. But now you're back. And I just want to be with you all the time"
He stopped talking, and I could feel that he was looking at me.
I was looking away, keeping my eyes off of him, because I could feel myself on the verge of tears.
I wasn't sure how to respond, even though I knew how I wanted to — deep in my heart.
I didn't say anything for a while.
Until I did.
"I think about you all the time, too", I said, having to force the words out. "And I want to be with you", I admitted.
I was still keeping my eyes locked at the distance. His face was blurred out.
"I can sense that there's a but coming", Dom said, and he was right.
"But it's not that simple", I found myself saying, overwhelmed by the thoughts that were fighting inside my mind. "Can I have a minute?", I asked, allowing myself to focus on him. His face was kind, and he didn't look mad. He nodded.
"Yeah, yeah. Of course", he quickly replied. He turned himself away from me, and left me unwatched. I pulled my legs up to my chest, holding them tightly.
I tapped and blinked.
And the thoughts flashed before my eyes.