My Pharaoh

Chapter 19

Ramses

I heard her last night, talking to Aba and Khepiri about how much I've hurt her. Of course, she had to do it while concealing my identity and the whole truth, and that must've been another pain entirely.

I don't know what to do, to make up for it, I'm at a loss. I guess it's one of those things that can only be resolved by time, by showing my love through endurance and years.

But my mind is becoming less and less my own each day. I'm sat in a field, on a stone wall, Paloma's favourite place I think. It's dawn, not a soul is awake, not even the sun.

Whenever I hear a noise, my head tells me it's danger, an assassin, a traitor, a hater of the king.

"Ramses?" I hear and turn my head quickly, it's her.

"I'm sorry," she says softly, sitting next to me "I didn't mean to scare you."

I shake my head and smile. And she looks at me in concern. She's really perceptive, she can decipher a lot of what's being hidden, just with those eyes of hers.

"Are you okay?" She asks.

I nod. She's caught me at a bad time, and I wish my mind was steady enough to talk, I wish I trusted myself.

"I wasn't eavesdropping," I mutter and look at her "but I heard that I've broken your heart..." she watches me as I talk shakily "I know that a broken heart can't be mended in a day. But I'll make it up to you, over years, even in the afterlife, I promise."

She puts her hand on my face, and the warmth, along with her soft eyes, make my mind rest, finally.

"My heart was mended the moment you came back," she whispers and kisses me on the cheek "I don't need you to do anything, and I don't want you to be anyone. I just want you to be with me, and have the decency to let me die before you," she laughs and it makes me smile "don't be sad, okay?"

"Okay." I say.

She sighs and takes her hand off my face, and I miss it already. The sun rises and she looks at the sky, at the birds and the trees. And I look at her as the wind blows through her hair, and she closes her eyes.

"You know," she says and looks at me "you can tell me anything."

I nod. I'm pretty sure she already knows.

"You're heavier than you were before. You don't smile as much, you're not as present. You can tell me why, whatever happened to you."

"It's just-" I sigh and look at her "it's a lot. And I didn't want you to know this, but I can't hide anything from you," I laugh "I'm perhaps a little paranoid. I can't make my mind rest, and I struggle to trust anyone except you. And without you...I was completely alone. My country doubting me, my advisors tearing me apart. It's never been this bad, I've always been able to handle it, but-"

She hugs me. And I lean my head on her shoulder.

"We'll figure it out. I'll help you...it's going to be okay."

And with just those simple comforting words from her, I feel like everything will in fact be fine. And if it's a lifetime and more with her, then I have nothing to fear.

***

Paloma

He's been so off. Of course, he's still Ramses. But he's different. He admitted to the paranoia early this morning.

I had seen him walking quietly out of the house with a joint in his hand, just as I was getting some water. I whispered his name, but he didn't hear. So I followed him in the darkness.

And when I saw him sitting on the wall, smoking, and looking around him anxiously, twitching at every sound, I thought, something is really wrong with the man. His title is burdening him a lot more than I initially thought, or could see.

I sigh, as I sit alone on a bridge, fishing mindfully, despite this thing on my mind.

My mother and grandmother have put everyone at work today. Including Khepiri and Menes. And Ramses, I think is hunting.

If he wasn't so precious to me, if I didn't fall in love with who he is beneath the fear, then I wouldn't help him. But I have to, I want to.

I want him to be mine, and more importantly, I just want him to be okay.

***

I walk back home slowly with three fish hanging on string. And I see Khepiri in the distance running towards me. I smile and wave but the closer she gets the more I realise she's not smiling, she's in a panic.

"Oh Paloma! Where have you been? Something awful has happened!" She exclaims breathlessly.

My mind rushes, telling me all the people I love are missing, or worse yet, dead...

"What is it? What happened?"

"Ramses..." she says "Ramses, he-"

Before she finishes, I hand her the fish and run home.

I'm scared he's done something, to harm himself, to harm others, I'm scared his head told him to.

I rush into the house and in every room until I reach a bedroom. Where everyone is crowded around him. I look at him in shock, at his wounds.

"Paloma," my father says and I sit beside him worriedly "Amun was hunting, and was attacked by two masked men..."

"What?"

"Sadiq and I managed to kill them, but not before Amun took a few arrows."

"Oh..." I say, putting my hand on Ramses's arm in disbelief. His worries were true.

He glances at me weakly, although I don't know if he's really looking. If he's even conscious. He whispers my name.

"Why are people trying to kill him?" My father asks looking up at me "Paloma?"

I begin to panic, with all these people around me, speculating that the man I love who is dying before my eyes, may be a thief, a common murderer, a threat to the throne.

"He's-" I hesitate, trying to catch my breath as the tension rises.

Ramses looks at me, at my worried face, as I hold his arm.

"The Pharaoh of Egypt." He states, looking right at me.

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