Silver Lining | ʟᴇᴠɪ ᴀᴄᴋᴇʀᴍᴀɴɴ

Chapter 1

"You're no good!"

"You're worthless!"

"You should just die!"

That's what people always said to me. I was so close to believing them, so close to giving up on myself and on my life. The day I saw the Survey Corps return was the day I decided not to give up. I decided that if I died, I would die for something good. I want to change something in this world, want to improve it. If not with my life, then maybe with my death.

That's what I tell the boy who asked me why I joined. He blinks at me, his beautiful eyes fixed on mine. He looks confused, and I know why. People don't understand me. They don't understand why I don't feel like I belong. But people were the ones who shut me out, who told me that I didn't belong.

"What's your name?" I ask, trying to break the silence between us.

"Eren Jaeger," he says, and my heart leaps into my throat.

I've been a part of the Training Corps for long enough to recognize the name, to know who he is, to know what he is. But despite the warnings from people, I don't step back, I don't freeze, and I'm not afraid. He's here. The same as me. We're both here despite what people think of us. We're both in the Survey Corps now, wanting to do something good for this world.

"I heard about you from Jean," I reply with a slight smile, hiding the fact that Jean is not the only person who mentioned Eren to me.

Eren's brow furrows for only a second, and he tilts his head a little to the side. "Jean? You know Jean?"

I nod. "I kind of grew up with him," I say with a shrug. "He's not as bad as you think."

"Is he worse?" Eren asks, but his lips twitch into a smile.

Grinning, I shake my head. Jean and I lived only a few houses apart. He and I joined the military at the same time. He was in the 104th Training Corps, I was in the 108th. And now we're both in the Scout Regiment. Me, Jean, and Eren here.

He's still looking at me like I'm something of a wonder. I ignore his piercing gaze and pretend to be very interested in a tree a little ahead of us.

I was assigned to the Special Squad only a week ago. I haven't met Captain Levi yet, but I've been told that - though very skilled and deserving of his title as humanity's greatest weapon - he is a highly unpleasant man. I never had a problem dealing with unpleasant men, but they never liked to deal with me. I am too stubborn, too loud, and too disobedient for unpleasant men.

Eren and I are supposed to get water from the well, but since we got to talking, we completely forgot about it. Until Hange comes outside to tell us to move our limbs and get the water. Eren seems to snap out of whatever daydream he was in, and we both move toward the well.

I want to ask him about Captain Levi, but I don't. I'm afraid that if I ask too many questions, people will wonder. What they don't know is that I don't like to meet people blindly. I like to know at least something about a person before encountering them, and what I know about Levi is just not enough. That's why Jean told me so much about Eren. That, and because he needed an outlet to be angry at him, and I am always there to listen to Jean's rants.

I was told about Mikasa, too, before I met her. I was told that she and Eren are inseparable and that she would definitely kill everyone who tries to keep them apart. I heard that she's beautiful and dangerous, and the rumors turned out to be true when I saw her. She is beautiful and dangerous and can't seem to be away from Eren for too long.

Hange was somewhat of a mystery to me because everything people told me about her just didn't seem to describe a sane person to me. Now that I know her, I'm still not sure how sane she is. I mean, who in their right mind is this fascinated by titans? Who in their right mind wants to keep them alive instead of just slicing into their necks and be done with it?

As soon as Eren and I get back inside, I wash my hands before joining the others. I don't like my hands being dirty. As a matter of fact, I don't like anything about myself to be dirty. It reminds me of the dirt people used to throw me in, of the dirt I used to feel inside. Eren notices, but he doesn't ask. He's probably also pretending that he doesn't see it, just like I pretend not to see him stare. Mikasa doesn't pretend that she doesn't see him stare. She stares right back.

The day bleeds into the evening, and we're all sitting around the fire. Jean is sitting next to me and hands me his unfinished bowl of stew. I smile at him and take it thankfully, warming my hands at the bowl. One after one, the others head back inside to go to bed. After a while, only Jean and I are left.

"It's been quite a long time since we sat together like this," he says.

I nod and shift a little to get into a slightly more comfortable position. I sit on a small blanket because I can't stand the thought of getting my clothes dirty on the ground. My clothes have been dirty for too long. Jean notices my shifting and hands me his jacket.

"Thank you," I say and fold it, then sit on top of it. "Way better."

He smiles a little. His smile is so rare nowadays. I sometimes wonder when he got so angry. But his smile has always been there for me. No matter how angry Jean is at the world, he always manages a smile for me. And I always manage a smile back. He's been my best friend for as long as I can remember, and I'm glad that he's here with me. I'm glad he didn't go to the Military Police.

The fire slowly dies out, and Jean and I shiver a little in the chilly night's air, but we stay outside. We talk and talk. He laughs, a sound I haven't heard in so long. We lie back and look up at the countless stars, his jacket beneath my head.

"I missed you," I tell him in a quiet voice because I just need him to know. I need him to know that he's not alone here.

"I missed you too," he replies, and I know that I'm not alone here.

"Eren seems to like you," I joke.

Jean shifts next to me. "Ugh, don't mention him." I laugh and turn my head to find Jean already looking at me. "You were gone way too long when Hange sent you out to get water."

A grin sneaks into my face. "Don't be jealous. We only talked."

He rolls his eyes and reaches his hand out for me. "I'm not jealous," he replies, and I know that he means it. "I just don't like him very much."

I laugh. "Really? I didn't notice."