Silver Lining | ʟᴇᴠɪ ᴀᴄᴋᴇʀᴍᴀɴɴ

Chapter 21

It's three in the morning. We went to bed hours ago, but I'm still up. It's beyond me how the other girls are sleeping peacefully, considering the weather outside. The rain was joined by thunder and lighting only an hour or so ago, but I've been unable to fall back asleep ever since. It's not that I'm afraid of thunderstorms or anything, I'm just a very light sleeper, and the noise outside is making it impossible for me to fall asleep. It's making it even more impossible than the inappropriate thoughts I'd been harboring ever since Levi sent me back to the others.

He joined us a little while after that, pretending he hadn't been outside in the hallway talking to me and holding my hand and smiling at me. He pretended that everything was normal, that he wasn't looking at me, and that I wasn't looking at him. I wasn't so good at pretending. I squirmed every time I felt his gaze on me, and at some point, I got so fidgety with heat that Jean even asked me if I was okay. I slipped away from him before his hand could touch me because I couldn't be touched - not by him, not by anyone; not unless they were going to touch me everywhere.

And now I'm awake, annoyed, tired, and still very much in need of Levi's touch. I try not to think about the short conversation we had in the hallway and about what had happened before to lead to this conversation. I try not to think of the laughter of people almost just as dirty as the ground I was kicked into.

I count Historia's soft, slow breaths as she's fast asleep in the bunk above mine. It calms me down a little, and I think I drift off, but not enough to actually fall asleep. Frustrated, I grab my pillow in my arms and roll to the side, staring at the dark wall in front of me. Lighting cracks and illuminates the room for a single second before throwing me into darkness again. Thunder follows moments later.

My thoughts keep running around my head, and there are too many of them, too fast for me to grab and hold on to. I get glimpes of them, but they never linger long enough to allow me to dwell on them before the next one comes along. It's frustrating, wanting to focus on one thing but simply being unable to. My head is too busy for this time of night.

After what feels like half an eternity, I roll out of bed. My feet touch the cold floor, and I pull myself up. Exhausted, I pad my way to the door, open it only a little for me to slide through, hoping not to wake my roommates. Every second torch in the hallway is extinguished, the rest only burning so we can find our way to the bathroom if needed. I, however, don't head for the bathroom. I slowly make my way down the stairs, careful to avoid the creaky ones.

Downstairs, my plan to go to the kitchen is disrupted when I hear two very familiar voices in our common room where the fire is still burning, throwing shadows in the hallway. I freeze just outside the ring of light in front of the door when I hear them, but I don't want to eavesdrop, so I enter the room.

Jean in pajamas is not an uncommon sight for me; I grew up with him, spent nights at his house, and he at mine when we were little. But Captain Levi - him in pajamas is something I never knew how much I needed. He looks tired, the poor man, just as tired as I feel. While Jean's hair is tousled and messy, sticking up in every direction, Levi's is still smooth and neat and handsome, and oh, I should not be here. But they're both already looking at me with two very different expressions. I'm nothing special to Jean, of course, but the captain looks me up and down, making me very aware of the fact that I'm also in my pajamas.

"What are you doing up?" I ask Jean because I can't bear to look at Levi, not when he's looking at me like that.

Jean lifts his mug, empties it with a last sip, and says, "Just finishing my hot milk," as he gets up. With three steps, Jean is in front of me and grins. "I'll go wash this and then go to bed."

I take the mug from his hand and smile up at him. "Go to sleep, I'm happy to do this."

His grin widens. "Oh, no, that's not at all what I was hoping you'd say," he says, the words laced with irony. Then he steps next to me and puts his arm around my shoulder as he looks at Levi. "If there's one thing (y/n) loves more than me, it's cleaning," Jean declares, making me blush.

He presses a kiss to my hair and, without saying another word and without giving me the chance to slap him, Jean vanishes into the hallway, and I hear the stairs creak as he makes his way back to his room. I take a few seconds, one, two, three, before daring to look up at Levi. His face his curious, amused, gorgeous.

I feel my cheeks flush with heat when his dark eyes take me in from head to toe once again and linger on my lips. Levi tilts his head to the side, his eyes meeting mine and crinkling at the corners as he tries to hold back a smile.

The room feels charged with electricity that has nothing to do with the lighting flashing outside. I'm fidgety, pulling at my shirt in a poor attempt to cover myself up more. My outfit is definitely not suited for the weather that is raging outside, but I wasn't in the mood to look for my long pajamas earlier, so now I'm wearing shorts that aren't visible underneath an oversized T-shirt that I stole from Jean ages ago. My hair is falling over my shoulders, not in a braid this time, and I desperately wish it would look a little more neat.

"Are you going to sit, or do you just want to stand there with that mug in your hand?" Captain Levi asks, making my eyes widen at the humor in his voice.

A nervous, desperate, pathetic laugh escapes my lips, and I wish I could close my eyes and vanish into thin air. When I sit down on the sofa next to the armchair Levi is sitting in, I realize how warm it is right next to the fireplace. Maybe it's also the fact that Captain Levi is suddenly so much closer to me.

"You're shy again," he points out, and I'm not sure I appreciate him saying it bluntly like that because yes, sir, I am very shy when I look like this and you look like that and you're so close and it's so dark in here and it's the middle of the night and the castle is in the middle of a thunderstorm.

I shrug, trying to seem more calm than I actually am. "I'm fine," I lie. "Just tired."

Levi's eyes betray that he doesn't believe a single word I'm saying. "Can't sleep?" he asks, and I nod. "Why not? Afraid of the weather?"

I shrug again simply because I have no idea what else to do. "It's just so loud," I mumble. "And my head is too full." I will never ever tell him that he's one of the reasons why I can't sleep. Him and his hands and his lips and his eyes.

My eyes don't listen to my brain. They do what they want when they focus on the captain's lips. My own lips do what they want when my lower lip slips between my teeth. My brain loses focus, my palms start to sweat, and my heart begins to race. Only too late do I realize that the lips I'm staring at have curved into a smile. He's smiling at me, he's amused again, and I'm embarrassed.

"So," he says, gaining my attention again. "You love to clean?"

Even though I'm not sure if it's a question or a statement, I nod and can't hold back a smile. "I do love to clean, but Jean is definitely not second on the list."

Captain Levi's smile widens a little, and I think it's the first time I've seen him hold his smile for so long. He doesn't say anything, only keeps looking at me with those eyes and with that smile. It takes a few moments for him to say, "Are you feeling better?"

I frown for a second until I realize why he's asking this. I nod, and in this very moment with him looking at me like this, I think I actually mean it. I think I'm actually feeling good.