Silver Lining | ʟᴇᴠɪ ᴀᴄᴋᴇʀᴍᴀɴɴ

Chapter 18

"What?"

The captain's eyes narrow a little, but every other part of him is completely frozen still. "You should go," he repeats, but he suddenly doesn't sound like he means it anymore. His eyes look like they're fighting against the voice that's saying this. Fighting in vain.

I take a step closer to him, still far enough away from the desk between us. "Why?" I ask, feeling brave and scared at the same time. "Give me the reason why I should go."

"Because I'm your captain, and I say so," Levi snaps. "Or do you want to defy another order?"

"If it means not leaving you again, then yes, I would gladly defy another order."

When I take another step toward him, he takes a step back, hitting the windowsill behind himself. I freeze when a thought enters my head that makes me petrified to say it out loud, but I have to.

"Do you regret what happened?"

Levi's eyes flash, and he steps away from the window again, closer to the desk, closer to me. This time, I don't move. I stay still, breathing too little, thinking too much. Does he regret it? Is that why he's been avoiding me, and why he's kicking me out? Because he wants to let me down easy? Did I just imagine that there was a different reason for this? Am I insane?

He's not saying anything when he rounds the desk and leans back against it. His eyes turn soft, and I can only imagine what I look like to him: nervous, betrayed, anxious. Captain Levi lets out a soft, slow breath, and I watch his lips as they part, his chest as it rises and falls, his eyes when he blinks.

"I don't regret a single second of it," Levi finally says, his words falling down on me like warm raindrops. "But I still need you to leave."

My brows furrow in confusion. "Why?"

He looks frustrated as he runs his hand through his hair, leaving it in the back of his neck, and tilts his head back. He lets out another breath, irritated this time. "I need you to leave," he says again. "Because if you don't, I won't be able to stop myself."

My brain shuts off. I have nothing to say. So I was right, is all I can think. So he did avoid me because he needed to, not because he wanted to. So he wants me, too.

"And we can't be doing that, (y/n)," he continues, but he's already pushed himself off the desk and takes another step forward. "I can't be doing that with you, and you can't be doing that with me. We can't. It's not right."

Levi's voice is dropping octave after octave and gets more and more quiet with every step he takes, that by the time he reaches me, he's only whispering. "You should go."

I blink innocently at him. His body is at war with his words, his heart with his brain. He's a smart man, the smartest, and he knows what's right. But he also knows what he wants.

"Tell me what you want, Captain," I breathe, taking my chances. Either his brain wins and tells me to leave again, or his heart wins and tells me to stay.

Levi doesn't say anything, but his lips say enough even without words. They're on mine, urgent, needy, rough. His hands are in mine, on my back, on my hips. They're pulling me closer to him, my body melting against his.

"You," he whispers against my lips, and my brain needs a second to catch up. "I want you."

And that's all he needs to say to make me lose my head. We're breathing, gasping, moaning. He silences my moans with kisses, making sure no one can overhear us, even though I can hear the rest of the squad outside. I take off Levi's jacket, and he pulls me in for another kiss.

The captain doesn't undress me, doesn't touch my skin under my shirt, and he doesn't move close enough. He's perfectly civil and polite, and it's driving me insane. But the rational thinking part of my brain reminds me that Mikasa is waiting for me outside, that Hange things I'm only in here to talk, and that the entire squad will notice if I'm gone for too long.

Levi seems to know that as well because he pulls away, his hands still at the sides of my face, holding me. "Believe me when I say that I don't want this," he says, "but you have to go back downstairs. They'll come looking for you."

"I know," I whisper, but my eyes flutter closed, and we're kissing again.

He kisses me along my jawline, behind my ear, down my neck. "I'm coming downstairs with you," he says against my skin.

I pull my head back and look at him, search his face for something, but I don't know what. "You're coming downstairs? Aren't you busy?"

He nods. "Immensely." There's humor in his eyes, humor that I haven't seen in too long. "But it can wait. I've learned that avoiding you doesn't help me to stop thinking about you."

My heart beats faster, only to pump the blood into my cheeks. My breathing stocks, and my lips stretch into a wide smile. There's nothing for me to say, so I only kiss him once more before stepping away. I need to step far, far away from him, or I won't step away at all.

I see him smile just for a millisecond when I'm already turning my back on him. He tucks at the end of my braid, and I can still hear his lingering smile in his voice when he says, "I've never seen you with your hair opened."

I shrug. "It's more practical that way."

Levi's hands are on my hips again, and he kisses my shoulder as he presses up against me from behind. "Let's go."

I turn my head to grin at him, then step out of his embrace and open the door. The hallway is empty, the torches are flickering, the coast is clear. Captain Levi steps out after me and leans in again. "Don't forget that you were just punished."

I raise an eyebrow at him and smirk. "That's not punishment, dear, that's pleasure," I repeat his own words back to him.

Levi is startled for a moment before he gathers himself and slaps me on the ass. It's such a playful and uncharacteristic thing for him to do, that for a second, I don't know how to react. Then his eyes sparkle, and he winks at me, and I think I might actually die.

"Move it," he says.

"Yes, Captain," I reply.

My smile drops, my gaze focuses on the floor, and my hands hang limp by my sides. Levi follows a few steps behind me, but he's never close enough for me to feel him. He's not speaking. I only know that he's still there because I can hear his footsteps. We continue our act until he leaves to join his friends and brushes his pinky against mine as he steps away from me.

"Go back to your training, (y/n)," Levi says in his captain-voice, and it's so hot that I have to remember not to smile.

"Yes, Captain," I say again, and do as I'm told.