WHEN YOU'RE CLOSER

CHAPTER 16

Thinking and making yourself believe that everything's real, and then suddenly, the truth will always come. The truth that will tear you down. You're flying, and then suddenly, it will pull you down. 

All the courage to forget the past and build new, it's fading now. I thought I would be at peace. Yet here I am, slowly walking to the path where there's only havoc and noisy place. After years of trying my best to run, here I am being chained again. With the person I thought I could build my peace with. I prayed that he would be genuine. I prayed that it was all real. I expected a wonderful future waiting for us. 

They left us two — Landon and I — inside the cafe. Because I said so. I shouted at them to leave. 

"Explain it to me. The whole truth. No lies, just truth." I started when there was no one except the two of us. 

"Believe me, Aster. My feelings, my love for you, are nothing but real. What I have said and shown you these past few months was all real. I admit that I agreed where I needed to get close to you. I am wrong. I should not have agreed." He explained. He's looking at me intently while saying those. 

"And what made you agree?" 

"Thomas." He answered. "He's the reason. Thomas and I treated each other as brothers. I cherished him, and I wanted to know the truth about him. Why that needs to happen to him? He doesn't deserve it, Aster. He could have lived. I should have saved him." He's shedding a tear. 

"You think I killed him? Is that it?" I asked. "The truth, Landon." 

"Y-yes." He stuttered. "At first. That's why I agree with your parents. I wanted to know the truth. I just wanted to know. I deserve to know, Aster."

I nodded. "Yes. Of course, you deserve to know. But you could've asked me about it straight ahead. Your reason doesn't make it right, Landon. You could just ask me without planning anything. You made me fall for you. And... that hurts, Landon." 

"I... I'm sorry, Aster." 

"I hope your sorry makes any difference. I thought it could make me feel at ease but I was wrong." I smiled bitterly. "I'm trying to justify what you've done. You know, your feelings were valid. I know you're hurt by Thomas' death and I understand it. But your actions, Landon, I can't." 

He became quiet. He sobbed as he looked at me. 

"If you only told it sooner," I whispered. "I was waiting for your explanation these past few weeks, Landon. I... I even think that having a vacation with you will make you tell things to me. I w-waited, Landon. Yet you never think of telling me the truth." 

"I was —" he didn't finish his sentence when I cut him off. 

"Scared. Is that it?" I continued. "And you're not scared of losing me by the time I'll learn it to other people?" 

"Sorry..." 

"Stop saying sorry, for fuck's sake!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. "The damage was already done! Do you want to know the truth about Thomas? Fine! I killed him, Landon! I killed my husband!" 

I laughed loudly. Remembering the day he died in front of me. In front of us. 

"What now? Loathe me, Landon! He's your cousin, after all. I hope you'll be happy now. You finally hurt me. Just by fooling me, you've won. I loved you, Landon. We're done now." 

He shook his head aggressively. "No... No... I don't want that." 

"Stop pretending, Landon!" 

"I am not." He said. 

I scoffed. "Stop the act now, Landon. Please. What is it that you want more, huh? Is it not enough? What more do I need to know?" 

"I... I helped them get this s-shop." He confessed. "I was the one who handled this case." 

"And you knew it was mine," it's not a question but a statement. "You knew how much I love my cafe, Landon. H-how could you do this to me? Y-you s-said... you love me truly. But how? How, Landon?" I yelled angrily. 

"I thought they would not pest you again. They said they won't see you after that. Believe me," he said as if he was getting weaker. 

"And you believed them?" I scoffed unbelievably. "Of all people, Landon! I thought you knew how much I love this cafe! You knew that this was my lifeline! I told you this is my last straw, Landon! I told you! How could you do this to me? Fuck you!" 

"I'm sorry," he cried out, kneeling in front of me while holding my hand. "I'm sorry, love."

I waved his hand away from mine. "Do not call me love. We're done. Get out of here." 

He shook his head. "I won't leave you." 

"Get out!" I screamed. "Please! Leave me alone! I don't want to see you. You finally got what you want, so get out! You had your revenge!" 

He's still shaking his head. 

"What? Is it still not enough? What do you want? Do you want me to give up this cafe? Is that it? You want me to give this to them?" 

"That's not—" I cut him off. 

"Then get out!" I screamed at him, pointing at the door. "Please..." I plead tired. 

He looked at me, tears in his eyes. "I don't want to end us." He shook his head.

"We're done. From the moment you accepted this case, we're done, Landon." 

"I —"

"You think you could help me by doing that, but you're wrong, Landon. You made it worse. If you wanted to help me, you could've told me the truth. Don't think of your actions as if you did the right thing for me. I'm tired, Landon. Get out now." I said, exhausted. "I trusted you. After years, Landon. After years, I learned how to trust and love again. Yet here I am again, betrayed and have nowhere to go. I guess they are right, Landon. I never learned from my mistakes."