WHEN YOU'RE CLOSER

CHAPTER 21

"So, please... don't ever talk about Thomas in front of me. Don't even think about me getting back to this family. I will never go back to this hell. Not when I lost Thomas and our child because of what you did." I said with a warning tone. "If only you didn't let him work under you, he wouldn't leave me. If only... you accepted us. If only you didn't let that wealth consume you. Thomas did everything he could to save your business. Thomas never complained. Thomas never shared his problem with me. Don't ever tell me that he doesn't deserve me. Tell that to yourselves. He doesn't deserve all of you." And he doesn't deserve me. 

They were all quiet and couldn't talk because of what I said. They were supposed to be grandparents. 

"I will say this one last time, don't let your ambitions consume all of you. Your grandchild must be happy that he won't see all of you this way." I smiled sincerely. "And don't ever think of me as your daughter. I was your daughter. Your daughter died five years ago. Remember that." 

I gathered all my strength to get out of that house. I was about to walk at the door when I saw two people standing at the door. Mina and Landon. I smiled bitterly. 

"I'm sorry, Mina. I'm sorry I couldn't s-save your grandchild and your great-grandchild." I sobbed. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." 

Mina walked towards me, crying. "No... It's not your fault. It will never be your fault." She hugged me tightly. 

From stopping myself from breaking down, I was now crying out loud. "Sorry... sorry... sorry.... I could have s-s-save them... Thomas.... Our child... my-my baby..." I screamed as I was crying loudly. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry...." 

When I looked at Landon, he was also crying his eyes out. As if he wanted to come to me but he's stopping himself. 

"Hush now, Aster. Don't blame yourself." Mina consoled me with her words while slowly tapping my back. Instead of listening to her, I cried more. 

"You should be mad, Mina. If not because of me, Thomas will still be here. They are right, Mina. I should be the one who died. I should be the one who died... not them. I sho—" 

"Shh..." Mina cutting me. "No. No, they are not right, Aster! Come on, Aster, stop blaming yourself, hmm? Thomas won't be happy with this."

"Thomas... He should have told me, Mina! He should have talked to me! Maybe... maybe he wouldn't... If only I didn't argue with him that day! I fought with him that day, Mina. Because of me... maybe because of me that made him do it. Mina, I should have talked to him instead! What did I do? I fought with him! I was mad at him that day, Mina!" I screamed out of guilt. "It's all my fault! I..." 

Mina hugged me tighter. "You've suffered so much, so please... Aster, let it all go. Let him go. Let go of Thomas." She said crying. 

I shook my head. "I can't... Every time I close my eyes, it's him who I see. It's h-him, c-carrying our child. Mina... I tried moving forward. I tried..." I cried. 

I didn't realize that Mina held me outside our house. She's now hugging me tightly in the backseat of Landon's car. He didn't say anything at all since then. 

"Why are you there, Mina?" I suddenly asked. 

"Well, Landon talked to me about what happened and I had a hunch that they would come to you again. We went to your apartment earlier but you're not there. And I thought that you would be here and I'm right." She explained calmly. "You never told me about your story, Aster."

"Because I don't want to talk about it before, Mina. I was the only person who knew about our baby. I never told it to anyone. I can't even accept the fact that I lost my baby." I'm stopping myself from crying again. 

"Sorry for not being with you," she slowly said. "I'm sorry that you're alone all these years." 

I shake my head. "I ran away, Mina. I don't want anyone to know about it before. I didn't even have a chance to tell this to Thomas before, so how could tell it to everyone? He's the first person who must know about his child. But how could I tell it to him?" 

"Sorry," she apologized. "Sorry for your loss." She kissed my forehead as she hugged me tighter. 

I smiled bitterly and when I looked at the mirror, I saw Landon looking at me. He smiled slightly. 

"Landon looked like Thomas a lot," I commented, still looking at Landon. "Now I get why I easily approached him that night." I chuckled bitterly. 

"Landon told me everything, Aster. I'm sorry for what he did. If only I knew about this, I stopped him from the beginning." She smiled at me apologetically. 

"You don't need to apologize, Mina. You have nothing to do with that. We already talked about it." 

"Aster..." she called my name. "If there's a thinking in your mind that I won't be happy for the both of you, stop it, okay? Always know that everything you do and everything that makes you happy is all that matters. I will just be beside you to be happy for your happiness. This might be the time that you need to let go of him, Aster. Let go of Thomas, hmm? And don't ever blame yourself for his death. We both knew how much he loved you. How much he cherished you with all his heart. We both knew that, right?" 

She got out of the car after that and we arrived at her house. She left Landon and me inside the car. 

"Sorry for your loss, Aster. I'm sorry for putting you in so much pain. I am very sorry." Landon apologized sincerely. "I'm sorry." 

"I loved again, Landon. I took the chance." I looked at Landon who was also looking at me. "I thought... I thought everything would be fine now. Finally, after years, I found someone again. I was finally given a chance to start again. But why am I here again? Why... why does the man that I love now have no intention of loving me too? I thought it was all real. I fell deeply yet he helped them ruin me again. I loved him all this was his plan from the start. Do you get where I am coming from, Landon? What you did is something that made me want to think if I deserve something like that. His parents were mad at me, you know. They cursed me and threw all hurtful words which I fully accepted as I also blamed myself for his death." 

It became quiet for a minute. He didn't open his mouth and just waited for me to talk again. 

"All these years, I was trying to move forward, Landon. I was trying so hard to love myself. To not blame myself for his death. For five years, Landon. For five years, I built myself again. Then suddenly, it was all gone. The walls I built for five years were now wrecked again." I said. "I understand you, I do. You're just a cousin who wants to know the truth. And now, you already know about it, let's stop seeing each other."

"I am sorry for everything you've gone through, Aster. If only I didn't let my sorrows consume me. I should've talked to you about that directly. I should have not helped them get what you have now. I'm sorry for hurting you. I am very sorry, Aster."

"It's nice meeting you, Landon." I smiled sincerely at him and hugged him tightly. "Someday, let's meet again and that time, let it be our genuine feelings."