A Long Road to Redemption

Chapter 31

As the weather began to turn cooler, a noticeable change took place. Last year, Sidney didn't notice it because she was still overwhelmed by her change in circumstances. As October turned to November this year, she began to notice the inmates were on edge more than usual. There were a few more fights than average, and people were a lot shorter with each other. Even Jillian was more withdrawn, speaking less and going to sleep earlier than usual.

The thing about holidays in prison is that everything remains the same. Inmates still performed their duties. The food remained the same except for Thanksgiving and Christmas Day turkey loaf, cornbread, and pumpkin pie. There were no decorations, Christmas trees, carols, or lights. Everything remained the same. One would not know it was a time of holidays if not for the calendar. Cells, halls, and offices remained undecorated. Everything looked like it did the day she arrived.

It's a depressing feeling to know that while everything inside was the same, on the outside, your friends and family were celebrating the holidays. Last year, Sidney didn't think about that much, but now the realization was sinking in.

The people she called friends mainly had forgotten about her. Her mother and father were getting together with the family and friends. Sidney's parents planned to visit before Christmas, but she would not see them on Christmas morning. That realization began to sink in right after Thanksgiving.

Just as expected, Christmas Day began like every day before. The difference was that most people without a job essential to life inside the prison had the day off. Things were quiet for the most part. Inmates with children quietly talked to one another about what they thought their kids were doing, while others talked about life on the outside and what they would do to celebrate the holiday. While some laughed and tried to make light of their situation, most were content to pass the time quietly.

Sidney found Jillian lying on the bottom bunk, staring at what looked like a photograph. "Stupid question, but are you ok?" Sidney asked her. Jillian did not look up at her at all. She continued to stare blankly at the picture. "May I sit down on your bunk?" she asked quietly.

"Go ahead. Mi casa su casa," Jillian responded without her usual cheerfulness.

"You want to talk?" Sidney asked her.

"Not really, no."

"Okay, then, mind if I do?" asked Sidney.

"Can't stop you, I guess."

"Last year, I didn't get the mood around here on Christmas. I guess I was self-absorbed and too busy throwing myself a pity party to notice everyone else." Jillian kept looking at the picture, pretending not to listen. "A lot of people in here are missing family time, children, husbands, and all. My parents and I always waited until Christmas morning to get up and open presents under the tree, like when I was a little girl. Now, this is the second year without that."

"Life sucks all around, huh?" Jillian said.

"Yeah, it does. It could have been a lot worse for me, though. I'm one of the lucky ones."

"How do you figure that?" Jillian asked without looking up.

"Because of your girl," Sidney said.

"Oh gosh, you're not hitting on me, are you?" Jillian said with a little more life. "I told you from the beginning I'm not into that."

"You know better than that," Sidney said as a smile creased her face. "I couldn't have made it in here without you. At least not like I have. Things could have gone so much worse for me if not for you. I just wanted to say thanks."

Jillian finally looked at her. "You're welcome. I'll be honest at first, I didn't think you'd make it, but I was wrong. I'm glad you walked through that cell door."

"So it makes you happy that I'm in prison?" Sidney asked.

"What? Yes, I mean, no. You know what I mean."

Sidney laughed, "I know. You can't be the only one who makes stupid jokes."

"My jokes aren't stupid. They're carefully refined based on observation and wit," Jillian said as the mood lightened. "It's just hard this time of the year. Josh and I were going to get married the weekend before Christmas, but instead, I got arrested on the Monday before Thanksgiving. We put off the wedding until after my trial. When I got sentenced, he swore he'd wait for me. That lasted all of about six weeks before he dumped me."

"That's the guy in the picture?"

"Yeah. Christmas is the only time I miss him and think about what might have been." She sat up and held the picture in her lap. "I had it all, Sidney," Jillian said as a tear rolled down her cheek. "I worked at a bank and was on a fast track to the top. The truth is I hated my life. I was so unhappy that I started taking small amounts of money from the accounts I managed. I don't know why I did it. I didn't need the money, but it gave me a thrill. I thought I covered my tracks so well. After a while, I realized what I was doing hurt people and stopped. I tried to put it all back, but it was too late. It's ironic; trying to do the right thing got me caught. Cops showed up and arrested me as I walked out of my home. I lost everything. All the lost stuff doesn't bother me; I didn't deserve it anyway. Josh was different. He's the only part of that life I miss."

Sidney listened to her friend's story and felt sympathy for her. "You know I try not to think about Lawson. Kind of hard not to when you spent two years, seven months, and five days with a guy."

"Dear god, Sidney, you remember how long you two were together like that?"

"It's stupid, I know. Like I'm some high school girl crushing on her first boyfriend. But I do."

"You've never told me much about Lawson other than the whole cheating and killing thing," Jillian said.

"Never talk about your case," Sidney said. "You know what the worst thing is? Despite everything he did to me, I still love him. Isn't that the most messed up thing you ever heard? I still love him after all that happened, the lies and cheating. I guess that makes me crazy."

"Or human. We're all a little messed up inside," Jillian told her.

"Oh hey, I almost forgot I got you a little gift," Sidney said again, breaking the mood.

"A gift? Sidney, you shouldn't have done that."

"Look, it's not much. I used some of my canteen money to get it for you." Sidney pulled back her blanket and revealed a small package wrapped in toilet paper. "See practical all the way around. You get to keep what's inside and the wrapping paper, too."

"You're so silly," she said as she opened the package. Inside were three packets of soup and two strawberry Pop-Tart packets. "Sidney, these are my favorites. How did you get Pop-Tarts?"

"Don't ask; just enjoy them," Sidney said.

Jillian got up and opened the storage locker she kept under the bunk. "Here, take this."

"Jillian, you love honeybuns. I can't take this."

"Like hell, you can't. Take it, or I'll force-feed it to you."

Before Jillian knew it, Sidney reached out and embraced her. "Thank you, girl. This means a lot."

"Don't mention it. Merry Christmas, Sidney."

"Merry Christmas, Jillian."